My mother has this weird game she likes to play that I call “Guess Who Died.” If I wait too long to make my monthly obligatory phone call, I’ll get a text to the effect of “Hey just wanted to let you know that this person you’re peripherally aware of died from cancer. Here are all the grisly details of their illness.” She treats other peoples’ tragedies like juicy gossip and it’s always made me feel kind of gross.
Today was a doozie, though. Today I DID do my obligatory monthly phone call. I mentioned having to go see my neurologist soon because my ability to walk is getting worse and worse. She had the very odd response of laughing and then talking about how her last neurologist killed herself. I said, “That’s pretty awful,” to which she responded, “No, she was a looney anyway” and then laughed some more.
Generally nothing she does shocks me anymore, but every so often she’ll do something that makes me think “WOW. Your heart is just cold and black, isn’t it?” Her complete and utter lack of empathy is really hard to wrap my head around sometimes.
She sounds scary hun, I am so sorry, my mother and I don’t have a close relationship and she goes into such details about her issues, but she isn’t mean. She just doesn’t have the capacity to love like I wish she would. You are such a sweet, kind person because even though you know she is a wicked witch, you show her what an amazing person you became in spite of her every month. You can’t wrap your head around her evilness, because you are again, kind and loving.
This sounds really challenging to navigate, especially with someone so close to you family wise. We are here to listen and support you. Sometimes we tend to fulfill someone else’s attention needs when they ask for it, although it does not make us feel good. Always remember that it is okay to set boundaries and put your needs first.
Who made up the obligatory phone call rule? Stop calling, when she calls just say im so shocked by your lack of empathy and gossiping, im taking a break from the drama.
I agree that talking monthly isn’t healthy, but she may blow up @BeauRaven’s phone if she doesn’t and a promised monthly call may be the safest route, but that is just a guess.
I did. If I engage with her any more than once a month, it affects my mental health. If I engage any less, there are repercussions that I’d rather avoid. My mother is a covert narcissist, and confronting a narcissist accomplishes nothing. So yeah: one contact per month, I ‘mmhmm’ my way through her talking about herself for 30 minutes, and then I can go peacefully about my business.
Sometimes we just have to choose the less evil path. So glad you are here friend, it is largely supportive to know others go through shitty family stuff too. Hugs.