Ok, I’m not trying to be overly dramatic. But when you feel your body decay faster than you feel forward momentum in the fight to not die lonely, it really is hard to have any hope. It’s beyond difficult to try to explain this without coming off as a completely negative person who does completely negative things all the time. Well, that’s not me. I’ve been for the most part a well-adjusted human except for when it comes to understanding social situations. Don’t get me wrong, I have the capacity for lots of intellectual and complicated matters. Yet, the one single thing in life I’ve gotten ZERO forward movement or even return on effort on is that. And the unfortunate side-affect is that I’ve pretty much cursed myself to the realm of hopelessness. That’s NOT me saying it’s “my fault” completely, or that I believe in curses. However, it’s the reality of the situation and there’s no sugar-coating it.
I’ve been to a therapist and have talked it over at length many times with her. So I know that my self-awareness of what is going on is spot on. But I also know it was before I suspected I have autism and really had zero clue as to what might be causing it instead of .000001% clue as to what is wrong now.
Maybe someone will decide to care before it’s too late.
I hope you have filed for ssdb for your autism. Im glad you have a therapist. Does your therapist prescribe meds if you ever should need it. Have you looked into groups to belong because i think they have clubhouses for others with disabilities that have a place to meet weekly. Also as you know there are dating sites online that is an option since you would like to meet people. I hope you might like my advice and please if you respond dont shoot down any of advice if written here. Thxs so much. Hugs and these are just my thoughts only.
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Hi @jonthecomposer. Your feelings are seen, heard, and valid. It is incredibly difficult to struggle with these emotions and feel trapped in a dark place. We feel for you and are here to support you.
hey, honestly autism is hard, and Im not qualified to assess, but from our interactions it seems pretty much spot on. But, if it makes you feel better, I know people with autism who can function, who are liked, have relationships, etc. So you arent doomed, but I really think what is missing is you arent around people who understand autism.
I think you really really really need to move to a bigger city, where there ARE communities specifically for people with autism. You owe that to yourself. So I think that can be something you can speak with your therapist about, how to transition to a bigger city and get help with that plan. Once you find your community, I can guarantee everyrhing will probably get much easier. You deserve to be around people who understand.
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I must clarify. I only suspect I have autism. And I am currently not seeing a therapist, but did for years. However, I do intend on at least trying to get diagnosed and possibly getting back into therapy. Unfortunately, without a diagnosis, I cannot apply for ssdb.
Hey, I do appreciate your advice! And I hope you don’t feel I’m shooting anything down. Unfortunately, a couple pieces of advice are just not doable because of experience (dating sites) and the area I live (get togethers). I understand my area has a lot to do with it. And I wish dating sites were better in general. I have looked into autism social sites. Perhaps not enough, though.
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Thank you. I wish I had the means to move. Even if I sold everything I own, I still wouldn’t have enough to procure a decent place. But I would agree with you. I simply have so few resources here that it’s ridiculous.
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I understand. It takes along while to get diagnosed. I think you have to get to the right doctors in order to do this. The expenses of it not sure in order to go. I know someone who had autistic diagnosed and they get ssi.
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To answer your inbox message, yep! my old user was blueberries : )
And I think you should talk to your therapist about hwo you can move, even if there are few resources often they arent that necessary so much as you have a job once you get wherver you are going, are connected to resources in the new city, or may be eligible for things like rental support or low income support —stuff like that. You can talk to your therapist who might make a referral for you, esoecially to something in a nearest city where they have supports for individuals with autism. Youd be surprised what is possible, and often for free. They nay put you on a waitlist for housing.
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We have to fix our health first before we can do anything in life. If we dont have our health we dont have anything.
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Hey Doodle!!! It’s good to reconnect! I do appreciate your responses especially after I’d disappeared.
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oh me too, I think sometimes living away from this website is good health practice.
I really hope you do try to connect to services at your nearest city. Send some emails to autism supportive organizations and see if they can help, both with helping get that super important diagnosis, and then the support that you definitely deserve to have access to. You have been through a lot, and you really need to advocate for yourself. It isnt easy but for real. the cost of the diagnosis probably can be covered but just make those calls . Calls are better you can learn way more that way. There are a lot of hidden services that simply arent updated on websites or accessible through social workers. So dont give up. go ahead and make a list of phone numbers, anf then spend the whole day calling id you need to. Do not be afraid to leave a voicemail, usually I write a script out ahead of the call.
"Hi I’m calling from (phone #) (& repeat phone number), I am an undiagnosed person with autism and I really am experiencing mental health issues. I would love yo be connected to a case manager and to figure out how I can get diagnosed and access mental health support or information about to any organizations that can help. Any informayion you can provide would be extremely helpful. Thank you. "
Keep it short, simple, and put your phone number first so they can replay the voicemail. Being wordy is not helpful for case managers. 
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