Hi, I don't even know where to start- I am 43, the heaviest

Hi, I don't even know where to start- I am 43, the heaviest (although this isn't the first time I've used those words- I just keep getting heavier) I've ever been. I am disgusted by the sight of myself, getting dressed each morning, because none of my clothing fits me anymore, is just debilitating to the point of not going into work some days- I am a workaholic, so this is a huge red flag to me. My father - so many things I love and admire about him- but, I have adopted his relationship with food. I am starting to see myself and mannerisms related to food just as he always has and that's embarrassing. I am embarrassed for my 13 year old daughter- I'm the fat mom. Here's the kicker- I am a psychotherapist and have been for 20+ years. I know all there is to know about how wickedly powerful the brain is- you are what you think... you are what you eat... logging food, portions, calories, points, weigh ins, no carbs, low carbs, no sugar, no soda- it's just relentless. I am an otherwise confident person. I love what I do for a living. I absolutely LOVE my daughter- but, apparently, I don't love myself enough to do anything different. I am a night/emotional eater and can relate to many people's stories I've read here. I am scared, alone, feeling defeated, worry that this is as good as it's going to get - and, I want more for my life. I want to feel good in my skin. My partner was diagnosed with breast cancer a little over a year ago and it's been a nightmare for all of us- I've gained 25 pounds (roughly) since her diagnosis, but 40 pounds in the last 2.5 years. I know nothing happens overnight- truly- I am not looking for some miracle cure, but I just needed a place to park how miserable, disappointed, and disheartened I am more than anything- so very embarrassed for myself and my daughter- geez, this was hard to write. Thank you for creating a space where one can do just that.

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Lilacs's picture
[260]
Aug 25

My husband was diagnosed with Cancer this time last year. I am working full time am morbidly obese and gained 100 lb. in the past 3 years. I have fibromyalgia, degenerative scoliosis, plantar fasciitis with tendon damage, and adrenal fatigue with make me exhausted and have food allergies. I'm tired and in pain and just getting though the day is hard. I recently talked with my doctor about how hard it was for me to walk from one place to another. She said you are 52 years old and you are talking like you are 82 years old. That's when I decided that I had to do something for myself and look into weight loss surgery. I need to do my best to continue to live while my husband is dying, and it's not easy.

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[10]
Aug 30

I am not in the position to give advice, because I am still fighting the battle. I am 72 yo and in the last few years I have gone from 265 to 211. One thing I would like everyone to think about is, " stop hating yourself". I believe that 85% of this obesity problem is not our fault. We are victims of our own success. We make our living sitting at a desk, food is everywhere and it is cheap and delicious. Our genes are telling us to: "eat more", "eat as much as you can", take it easy ........because we are products of evolution and for thousands of years finding enough food to survive was been humans primary focus. Now we wake up and it is 2017 and food is everywhere but our genes are still in the stone age. We have to take responsibility for our health, but do not hate yourself. And do not hate your body. Your body is a wonderful vehicle that God has given us to propel us through life! It is a marvel, the only thing wrong is we have put too much fuel in our storage tank ;-) Cheer up, and keep trying....success rarely happens to depressed people.

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[20]
Aug 30

It seems we have the same problem. Maybe the soloution is not to try and do it alone. I don't know. Maybe the buddy system would work. Someone you can message or talk to before you overeat for the day?

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