New to the group and sadly in need of some support from some

New to the group and sadly in need of some support from some loving vegans.
My sad tale:
I was vegetarian when I met my now husband. I was a vegetarian for 17 years, the only thing non vegan thing I consumed was feta. I have been fully vegan for 2.5 years now, and never going back.
2 months ago my husband said that I have changed and he can't handle it.
I only cook vegan food and whoever wants to eat it can. If he wants meat then he can cook it himself. I haven't cooked meat for years.
Recently just washing his dishes makes me gag so I told him I can't wash his dishes anymore. He has given me an ultimatum. If I don't start washing his dishes he wants a divorce. I told him I just can't, it makes me sick. He doesn't care..
This man used to be so caring and I am at a complete loss to understand how he can be this way. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. It's unbelievable that me being vegan will be the end of my marriage.
He has already started to pack..

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CKBlossom's picture
Feb 13

Wow, I have never really cooked meat for my husband, recently I have as I convinced him to try the Whole30, but I cannot imagine having divorce threatened over cooking and dishes, now neanderthal.

Feb 20

Hey there Peasandthankyou. As a vegan with a non-vegan partner, I definitely sympathise with you and your difficult situation. My only advice (if he hasn't left already, I only just saw your post) is that in these situations I find that trying to practise "give and take" is very helpful. Your husband may be feeling that he's lost you, that you're no longer the person he married (even though you've only changed one slight thing). I'm not backing him up, just speaking from my experience with my partner. I won't cook meat for mine either, but I try to make sure that if I'm refusing to do something for him, I try to make up for it by offering to do something else instead. Like, "I'm sorry, I just can't wash up your dishes because it makes me feel really sick and this is so important to me. But I love you and so why don't you let me give you a back rub later to make up for it?" (Said with a smile, and a loving touch on the arm, or a kiss). That way he can see that you're not just being difficult, and that you still care for him. I know it can seem impossible to be caring and loving towards someone who is being so hostile and difficult towards you, but honestly, if you want your relationship to continue, you have to give it your very best shot. Some men read situations in a different way - they take things like refusals to wash their dishes as a rejection and a sign that you don't love them, even though we don't mean it like that. Also, this isn't about the dishes. As a vegan it can feel like we have to hold fast to our principles all the time, but it is possible to practise some "give and take" and to realise we can be flexible in how we behave (how we treat others). I really hope this helps you, and hope that it's not too late. Sending virtual hugs.

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23 hours ago

Thanks for the advise. I will try that!


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