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*****************Trigger Warning************** So las

Believerinbetter's picture
[8065]

*****************Trigger Warning**************

So last night was odd, I ended up crying and wanting the end my life over the same reason. To others, they would not think about ending their life over this, but I do not think I can suffer any longer. Anyways, I literally found myself making a list of all the people I would leave a letter to. There ended up being twelve people. I literally started drafting the letters and everything, but then I stopped. I deleted them (they were in the notes app on my phone), but still something in my still wants to draft them. My dad committed suicide and I see the terrible effect that left on my family and I dont want to leave them in pain, but I don't know how much longer I can take it. I want to live and I want to grow old, but I am starting to think that this pain won't go away; that it was meant to be here. If you read this, thankyou and thanks to this support group I have been able to talk some of my problems out..., but somehow I always come back to the suicial thoughts. I don't want to, but a part of me likes being in this terrible state of mind and I dont understand myself at all.

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[30]
Aug 9

I just want to tell you there are so many people who are overjoyed that you are still here with us! You mentioned the pain that was left behind after your dad, and without even knowing you personally, I can tell you there are more than those 12 people you would write a letter to who would feel the same if anything happened to you. You're a part of something much bigger than you might be able to see right now, even if it's tough to believe that. Have you considered talking to someone about this? If you call 855-382-5433 I know they can refer you to someone who can help. You'll be in my prayers!

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Believerinbetter's picture
[8065]
Aug 9

@rtscd8 This really means alot. Its exactly what I wanted and needed to hear. Thankyou. I am trying to hold on , but each day it gets harder. Thanks again for your prayers.

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Believerinbetter's picture
[8065]
Aug 9

@tvtaka i link it with suicial thougts because after I binge eat I feel hopeless. Its like I say to myself, "its always going to be this terrible, what is the point in living when its only going to get worse...?" And that leads me to suicial thoughts. But the suicial thoughts happen so suddenly; so outta nowhere. I know it is torture....there were some terrible times I remember even as im overeating. Thankyou for your advice and concern; its good to know there are very supportive people here.

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