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*****************Trigger Warning************** So las

Believerinbetter's picture
[19950]

*****************Trigger Warning**************

So last night was odd, I ended up crying and wanting the end my life over the same reason. To others, they would not think about ending their life over this, but I do not think I can suffer any longer. Anyways, I literally found myself making a list of all the people I would leave a letter to. There ended up being twelve people. I literally started drafting the letters and everything, but then I stopped. I deleted them (they were in the notes app on my phone), but still something in my still wants to draft them. My dad committed suicide and I see the terrible effect that left on my family and I dont want to leave them in pain, but I don't know how much longer I can take it. I want to live and I want to grow old, but I am starting to think that this pain won't go away; that it was meant to be here. If you read this, thankyou and thanks to this support group I have been able to talk some of my problems out..., but somehow I always come back to the suicial thoughts. I don't want to, but a part of me likes being in this terrible state of mind and I dont understand myself at all.

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Believerinbetter's picture
[19950]
Aug 23

@rtscd8 Thankyou. I'm trying to remember the power behind prayer.

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rtscd8's picture
[785]
Aug 23

Remembering that can be so hard when depression feels like it's 100% of you. But someone once encouraged me by reminding me that God is so much bigger than depression and anxiety. And when I doubt whether he can help me, or can love me through it, I'm almost saying I believe there's something God can't do. Which isn't who He is! Did you see that clip I sent? What did you think?

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Believerinbetter's picture
[19950]
Aug 23

@rtscd8 Yea, I watched the video the day you sent the link. I heard of Lacey's story before from my church group, but that was a while ago. To hear it again and to see how far she has come because of God is a good reminder that we are never too broken or confused. I need to keep reminding myself of that too. Thanks for sending the video.

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