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****Trigger Warning**** Hi...I do not know what to say or

[11150]

****Trigger Warning**** Hi...I do not know what to say or do....feeling like taking my own life is not something new to me, been there, tried that... some days are more manageable, others are like the last few days and especially now that I just really feel like its time. Some days i can manage this feeling and just be with it but now its really the only way I see. A part of me does not want to and keeps telling me that giving in or up is not the answer, this part of me wants to fight for live...but I cann't anymore. I cannot tell my mother or anyone in that matter since I have already hurt them enough with my previous attempts. They do not trust me alone and if I tell this is only going to get worse. Going to an er is just not going to help.."hi its me again, I need to die".. I am scared, scared of doing it, scared of dying and jet it feel like it is all I have left, the only way to ''survive." My doctor knows that I have this feelings and yes its a permanent solution to a temporary problem as they say.....This temporary problem has been dragging for 6 years now. Daily I am having a struggle. I cant do this anymore. Maybe this is just me rambling but its how I feel. I did not want to be become "the suicidal one"..probably named as such already. Just close my eyes, go to sleep and tomorrow will be a new day...thats the problem, that philosophy gets me right back here were i see more sense in ending it all than dragging it our further. I do not know if I am asking for help or the strength to get it over with. We all want to succeed in live, but I cant even move forward never mind getting anywhere. Being stuck I can stomach but the way I feel by now i can not cope with. This I do not mean disrespectful, just I love God and He says that He would not let us endure something we cant handle with His help, I do know how anymore but this hints to me that I should get help so that I can get through this...God does not allow us to take our own lives but I see now other way. Besides I love my family to much to keep putting them thru this, this has to stop. Some see it as being selfish with merit, but I will surely be doing them a favour. They might not see it as such but its the truth, I am only a burden to them. I need to end this, the longer I take the worse it gets.

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Antoinette23's picture
[1190]
Sep 27

Good morning. Thank you guys for your support. I am not seeing a therapist right now. I need to find a new one plus seeing a therapist is expensive for me right now as money is tight and its a 50.00 co-pay. I have my AA people and meetings so that helps. It was just scary because I never felt like having a train hit me. I was like what the hell am I thinking ? Things are good today, I feel good. Hopefully my boss will get off my back as he was a **** yesterday. Have a good day!

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[11150]
Oct 8

@purposelife Thank you. I have talked to my therapist. She was really kind but I left without a reason to live but at least with reasons not to try again.

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[550]
Oct 11

@Lassie You're welcome. That's good to hear. Praying you will get to point where you will find reasons to live. Take care

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