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So to be clear, I'm not actually suicidal and will be fine.

Northguy's picture

So to be clear, I'm not actually suicidal and will be fine. But I'm having some new thoughts in this direction that were a bit worrisome and while I know nothing will happen, I did just want to get them off my chest, and this seemed dark enough that posting here rather than the depression group seemed prudent.

Anyhow, it just occurred to me a few minutes ago that if I took a bunch of pills that didn't kill me and had to go the hospital maybe it would finally show that I am not okay right now and my ability to grin and bear it has been strained for way, way too long and maybe some things would finally change and I'd get to feel less trapped.

Now I'm not going to do this, I'm certain. It wouldn't even really work well anyhow. But given that thoughts like this haven't occurred to me before, it was somewhat perturbing and I wanted to just get that off my chest. I don't really want to say anything else right now, the actual situation makes me feel silly talking about it publicly like this. It's not a huge problem honestly, just something that's dragged on forever (almost a full year now) and has me feeling very powerless and trapped. I don't handle that well at all and today is quite rough. At any rate, there is good cause to hope that in the next week or so this will finally get settled but it may not, and regardless, events moving forward, while good and necessary, does also spike my anxiety even though I want things to proceed so I can finally be done with this. So I'm pretty panicky right now and just doing my best to distract myself and not think about this so I don't go totally bonkers.

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Sep 17

@Round3 I totally agree with you on that. It is so frustrating to spend the time and money on a professional who only understands what he or she has read out of a book. So often they just make things worse, and cause more hopelessness and frustration. I’ve dealt with the mental health field for the past 40 years, so I can truly empathize.......

Round3's picture
Sep 18

@pickone That's why I think it's so important to find a therapist who is trained in treating trauma. Regular therapy, as I understand it, encourages people to face their demons head on and talk about the outcome, feelings, etc. For ptsd, doing this can trigger a cascading & devastating reaction. I think having a trauma trained therapist to the treatment PLUS a good support group to normalize everything and give practical advice, is ideal. Sadly, not everyone has that option.

Sep 18

@Round3 I absolutely agree, but the problem is that therapists trained in trauma and EMDR are not so easy to find in certain areas. Especially in small towns and rural areas, it is very difficult to find therapists trained in specific areas of mental health. I also agree that facing your demons head on is not the appropriate treatment for PTSD and trauma issues; and can be detrimental. In fact with EMDR therapy, they don’t just jump into it. First there is a period of time to establish a safe environment for the patient. Feeling safe in the here and now is extremely important in treating trauma. It’s very unfortunate that many people don’t have access to, and often cannot afford, the proper mental health treatment.......


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