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Please help me :( I just really want to kill myself. I real

ThisIsMe998's picture
[7520]

Please help me :(
I just really want to kill myself. I really wish I could overdose on sleeping pills now but the only thing holding me back is that I have a meet up tomorrow with a classmate to finish our final year project.

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ThisIsMe998's picture
[7520]
Aug 11

@worstcurse the thing is i dont want to risk bringing more tension between my dad and i. If you think whatever i tell is a lie and you need proofs, I can screenshot and even find recent links of how its so big in social media now and traced in every newspaper because of the recent change in government that we were allowed to "discuss" such topics. Back then our government would jail and search the houses of people who talk about taboo topics. We were always asked to keep quiet about corruption and taboo topics. I can very well screenshot to show that these are posted on normal daily social media and there's even online articles if you want to search them. So I'd really want to ask you, if i can guaranttee that the police here would bother about me. The girl in an abusive relationship who had her body beaten up to a pulp with bleeding scalp only had attention after she livestreamed and posted every single photo and she was put into light by her fans and mass media. Her story only lasted a day in the news and was kept under the rug after. People believed her boyfriend might have discussed terms with her that they all let it go if she drops charges. Not that my dad has such power over me, but my country does not know how to deal with this problem. It may sound like I am defending myself, but hitting a child in school is normal until the child bruises and then the parents use social media to get attention. We didnt even get to call the cops on this. Its either i drop my face out there and risk it not even being recognized and be a laughing stock to the whole world and risk getting thrown out. Risk getting my dad's job taken away leaving the whole family in ashes. I really ask you what is even the standard procedure I can do here? All i ask for now is just a place to rant. I use SG forum because its such an open place that people can walk by and I dont wish to drag anyone into my mess. :(

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worstcurse's picture
[3615]
Aug 11

@ThisIsMe998 Thank you for taking the time to describe your environment in detail. It is a lot clearer what you are facing now. When you first replied, all you mentioned was your image, and that made it sound like you had good options to get help but weren't pursuing them for a frivolous reason.

I'm writing from Canada, where human rights are very well protected. As such I lose track of the conditions faced by people living in countries where human rights are compromised.

You aren't wasting my time. You are helping in a small way to open the eyes of myself and other members of this site to conditions that should be attracting international attention but for some reason just aren't getting enough of it.

I don't live in your country, so I don't feel qualified to give advice about what to do. But I would remind you that there must be millions of other people who suffer quietly from the legal/human rights issues that you speak of. Perhaps if the day comes when you have totally given up on your life, you could instead of dying by suicide, dare to get kicked out, dare to speak out, and dare to be another tiny voice that turns into a thunderous roar by the people demanding for a better government which protects human rights and treats people fairly.

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ThisIsMe998's picture
[7520]
Aug 11

@worstcurse Thank you for understanding my situation. For all I can do now is just have this small space to rant. It took me a very long time to recognize I am depressed and facing mental health issues. It took me a long time to face all this.
Whenever someone here tries to give me options there are reasons why I simply cannot just follow ahead. Thats why I dont ask for a solution from anyone. If its easy as 123, I could've been in a better place and none of the people around me would suffer alike. Thank you for typing this out and taking time to understand my situation. I thank you for this response too because everytime I try to explain myself it sounded like I was cornering someone and not giving them chances to help. It almost feels like I'm bullying someone when they try to help but I'm just giving facts about my situation. That really breaks my heart T T.
One a lighter side, I am graduating soon. My last semester will on January next year which means I'm 2 semesters away from graduating.
I'm trying my best to pull it together until I can move out of here. I don't have any good options for help here. I can easily run away but my friends come from good backgrounds since I studied in private schools. There's no way they're bringing in a lone kid into their house, like why are they subjected to keep another child while they're so busy at work? I don't have any close friends that rent houses or part time or work a harder life that I can slip into. I do have a close childhood friend who I used to live in the same condo but she works in another state. Running away was never a better option.
The culture here too... I live under the cultural background that we should obey our parents and "upkeep our family image". My grans or older relatives would always criticize "bad" children in a way "their parents never educated them properly" instead of criticizing their children. It's horrible. They drag your family history to the ground. That's why I was held back. It's not just a scar to my dad but rumours and easily a scar to all my relatives, especially if I broadcasted on social media for help. The police will never really help us on this. I've never heard of any procedures to cope with family tensions or abuse.
A bright side to my country here is that child marriage has been discussed lately, which was why I put this in my example. The new government wanted to ban child marriage but one of the older party rejected it. They're fighting against it with lots of supporters. It's quite a mess here. We're being sheltered at our homes and god knows what will happen. Years ago, during a new government change there was a riot and tanks were sent out to kill targetted races. Although the new government has changed and they're keeping it low because the current prime minister had many loyal supporters with his previous governance, we're all still wary. Especially now everyone's is taking note of the corruption case, there was riots when the previous prime minister was jailed. The streets here isn't that safe. My friends and I personally wouldn't go to the city center at night. Shopping districts sound safer, maybe travellers might find it okayy, but the central area for work is quite dangerous. When I interned, they burnt down the old building consisting of old documents (probably to hide them) and it caused heavy traffic and people were moving around. There was also once where they riot at the US embassy but I dont remember the specific reason. The traffic was bad, once again people walking around in a huge mess and it was chaotic. I'm not saying there's bombs flying over my head or shootings in my neighbourhood.
I am safe but its so unpredictable out there now. Especially how people in the past has reacted to chanhe.
Home is my safest option.
Thank you for giving me a chance to fully explain what's going on. Thanks for having patience in letting me rant out my problems here.
I'm doing my best to help myself be better in my situation. I'm really trying ><

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