i feel like my whole world has crumbled to pieces. My whole

union242seattle's picture
[340]

i feel like my whole world has crumbled to pieces. My whole life I've worked my *** off, been stressed. I've been trying to get to a place where I feel successful enough to be safe financially and comfortable and I feel like I can't be happy until I reach that point. The problem is, I have nothing outside of work. I've been stubborn. Been through a few LONG term relationships, one of which was a marriage, I've always blamed those around me for my unhappiness and pushed them away. Despite always being loved. My ex wife was perfect for me, I just refused to compromise and tried to control her and blame her for my unhappiness. I was only with my last girlfriend for the last 2 years as a distraction from loneliness and never stopped reaching out to my ex wife. We went out several times after a year, and we stopped because she is a good Christian woman who didn't want to waste time when I was still in a relationship. It took me until just a few months ago to finally dump the girlfriend because I didn't want to hurt her, as much as I wanted to be with my ex wife again. Now I realize that my ex wife is seeing someone and I no longer feel the love and yearning I did the last time I saw her a year ago. It's been almost 2 years since the divorce was finalized, and nearly 3 years since we were together. I feel like I don't wanna live anymore after a number of other things have been falling apart around me, but the ex wife was the only hope I had to keep living. I've been taking antidepressants and self medicating. I don't know where I can go to start improving myself to deserve her or someone like her again. I just need to connect with other people in the same, dark place. I just wanna be better but I have no motivation because I'm so depressed.

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union242seattle's picture
[340]
Mar 26

That IS a GREAT phrase to remember! Thank you, I hope your storm passes quicker. And you and i both can remember the people we were when we were happy. Same to you! I don't often write but when I do I love it it is so therapeutic, and now to be able to put it out in the open is such a relief! I'm here for you as well. I feel so much more connected on here, not so alone. Helping others helps me figure out me as well. Everyone benefits. I hope you sleep well, I'm hoping I can sleep better. Gn

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Annabella825's picture
[3035]
Mar 26

@union242seattle i agree. I feel more connected here like people might actually understand what I'm feeling. I have tons of support in my personal life but nobody has a clue about any of the stuff I struggle with. It just feels different when people can really relate. Hope you sleep better, night!

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[4295]
Mar 28

I believe it's good that you are able to acknowledge your feelings and express them instead of keeping them inside. I am that way and never expressed how I felt. This support group has helped me, and sounds like you too. It is therapeutic to write how you feel. Is there a divorce support group where you live? I think that would be a wonderful to meet other people in a similar situation. Or even talk to a therapist. They can help you with the feelings and emotions. Be strong! It will get better!

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