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I am incapable of getting people to care about or be interes

I am incapable of getting people to care about or be interested in me. I'm what's known as a beta male. Timid, quiet, no confidence, etc. I've been trying to connect with people for the past year and a half and 100% of the time I have always been the more interested party and have made 0 friends. It doesn't help that I'm always stumbling over words either. I am a 24 year old handholdless virgin who is so hopeless in the entire rigged game of romance, that I wish I could be chemically castrated and/or get some kind of lobotomy to remove the ingrained needs of things I will never experience like love and intimacy. The needs are torment. I want to get on with my life and not worry about them. I want to condition myself to mentally and physically reject them.

So I don't fit in anywhere, nobody likes me, I'm invisible, and I will never experience things that trillions of people can and have done without even thinking about it. I don't want to be alive. Being alive is inhumane. I want it all to stop. I don't realistically see another option. I'm already at the point in my life where everybody else has a group of people to sit with in the cafeteria and I can't sit at anyone's table because there is no room. Is there some kind of service where I can pay someone to be my friend and show concern for me and care about me? Is there a human equivalent of a service dog funded by the government? I hate this social world and I see suicide as my only option staying in it because I just don't belong. People just don't accept me. I am a mistake.

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Oct 11

What’s normal?? I think it’s more difficult these days to meet people / friends since social media. It seems to make us less social. All the screens keep us people shy. What about volunteering or joining a club or take a class. I feel ya. I wish I had more friends my fear of rejection stops me. I’m working on it.

Oct 17

You are fearfully and wonderfully made in God's image. He gave you everything you would ever need (skills, talents, gifts, etc) to thrive in this world. You just need to discover them. There are therapists who specialize in what you are going through. There are some therapists who even had an issue similar to yours and they over came their issue and went on to become an expert in the field of anxiety. Look up Albert Ellis and read how he overcame his anxiety about speaking to women.

Oct 18

Try not to focus on true friends, maybe settle for making acquaintances. You sound like the "shy extrovert" personality type (yes it exists, just as the "not-shy introvert" does). You crave social companionship, but are afraid of it, correct? I think of friendship like "rings," with the largest ring, "strangers," on the outside, followed by "know name but not personality," "kind of know," "person I know," "acquaintances," "Friends," and "close friends." Maybe try to just work people slowly up the rings instead of trying to jump right to friends?


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