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Desperately need answers right now. Only positive comments p

*Trigger Warning* Desperately need answers right now. Only positive comments please! I know what you guys are probably going to say, like "Oh, online dating/chatting is dangerous etc" I know that, but just hear me out on this one if there's any chance. Here it goes, I met this guy about a week ago on an online chatting website. He's a few years younger than me. I read his bio and it was all pretty positive, except the part where he said he had depression. We started talking, and everything was going good at first, but then about a day later, he started saying how he wished he could die, how he doesn't have anyone that cares about him, etc...I started trying to give him encouragement about himself, saying positive things about every negative thing he was throwing at me. Then, one day he said he had a gun in his room and how he was about to shoot himself. I told him don't do it, and then he started to count down from 10. Once he hit one, everything was silent. Neither of us talked for a long time, until I asked him if he was still there. It took him like 10 minutes to respond with "Yeah" So that was like the scariest thing that happened with us. Then a few days ago, he asked if we could become a couple, I said sure, because he was a really cool and nice guy other than the fact that he had severe depression which apparently, is even worse than mine (I have depression too, but I feel like he has it a lot worse than me.) Then, everything went back normal or as normal as it ever got, with him being all suicidal and saying things someone with depression would normally say. I tried to deny everything he said to me, but he wasn't listening to me and kept going on. Then, today, out of nowhere he said that he doesn't want me anymore, that we should break up, how no one could ever help him feel better, how he hates himself, how he feels horrible about having to put me through this, how he wants to be alone and die etc. Then, he ended our conversation without saying anything else. I added him back saying that I was willing to listen to him and help him through whatever he was going through, and he replied with something like "no, don't help me, don't talk to me again" and ended our chat again. I still have his username, and I also have him on a different app, so I could easily add him back if I wanted to, but I'm scared to add him back, because if he blocks me or changes his username there's no way I'll ever be able to add him or talk to him again. I don't know what to do now, I've been worried about him ever since the day he threatened to kill himself while talking to me, and scared me really badly. If someday, he figures out a way to connect with me again and wants to talk to me again should I just ignore him as revenge for ending the chat while I was trying to help him, or should I continue to talk with him? Thanks for reading, I know this was long, but I'm really worried about him, which I know I shouldn't be since it's just some guy online but hearing someone talk about depression and suicide just hits so close to home, and I feel really bad for him for having to go through this and I want to help him but he won't let me. Update: He says he never wants to talk to me again...

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[575]
Dec 7

The most important thing at this point is to take care of yourself in this situation. People who are ill swing from one emotion to the next... sometimes they are desperate for help/someone to be there and listen, at other times they are pissed off and spiteful and definitely suspicious. Just let him do what he is going to do as far as communication but it may be helpful for you to create emotional boundaries so that he does not continue to take you on his emotional roller coaster as you have already stated above that you deal with depression yourself and that is not healthy for you as you try to navigate your own wellness. Bottom line, we have to put on our own oxygen mask (for life) before we can put one on some else. I hope some of what I am trying to say is helpful to you.

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[6170]
Dec 7

@RexieSF7 He just ended the chat and I'm assuming he unistalled the app...idk. I'll see what happens next. Thanks for the advice!

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[1165]
Dec 10

I know I'm late to the discussion and I agree that you have received some wonderful advice here too. Its easy for us to see ourselves in others especially when it seems our stories are similar. The fact is you can't prove any of his story. He is just a guy on-line who is chatting with you one min, and not chatting with you the next. If you care about him, provide him the resources (Suicide Prevention hotline, ask him to look into therapy, etc.) and then trust that if he really wants to help himself, he will get the help he needs. Good luck!

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