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After having suicidal thoughts for many years I have decided

packfan's picture
[4380]

After having suicidal thoughts for many years I have decided to take them off the table. I think I had been using the thoughts as a crutch. When life became too painful, when I would be so depressed I used the thought of suicide as a way of coping. I will try to deal with the pain and not hide behind the suicidal idealizations.

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packfan's picture
[4380]
Dec 6

@NCMom - thank you for your support. I never had thoughts that things get better. I just saw the pain. I saw a movie last night. It had a good line - to be human is to hurt. Things aren't always good or bad. there are some of each in our lives. I have been going to the gym every morning for about an hour. It helps me very much. And I do a lot of self talk. I read a book about Inner Child, Outer Child and Adult Self. It has helped me put things in perspective. I have been dealing with abandonment issues my entire life. But I have realized that I have been on my own for 35 years. I don't have to worry about abandonment, I can take care of myself.

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packfan's picture
[4380]
Dec 7

Yes, being to say what our struggles are is a big relief. For so many years I hid my problems and consequently hid myself. I am alone and lonely because of the fear of exposing all my problems. I appreciate your comments. They help to give me hope and support.

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[6580]
Dec 7

@packfan A really old quote:

People who matter (in our lives) don't mind

People who mind don't matter.

???

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