On the surface, I have everything going for me. A high payin
On the surface, I have everything going for me. A high paying job, good friends, supportive family, wonderful co-workers, healthy, not bad looking, have the freedom to do anything.. but yet I'm always so worried, stressed out, depressed and lonely. I graduated from college and moved to a small town just over a year ago to work. I'm 26 years old and living alone. Although I chose this path and do not regret it one bit, I can't help but feel like I’m falling behind in life when seeing all my friends from college move on with their lives, getting married, having kids, being in relationships etc. while I’m a workaholic with no exciting news ever to share when we get together. I guess you might say it’s my fault I’m not “putting myself out there” because I’m always working but the truth is, I’m never in the mood to see anyone because I’m always so worried, depressed and lonely. Plus, I’m always stressed for time. This is mostly because right now, I’m studying for an exam to get me into a professional program and balancing a full time job. I’m always exhausted and always worried about the exam. I feel I have nobody to talk to that would understand without judging me. Deep down, I know I can succeed at passing this exam and getting into this program but I have failed so many times, it’s making me very discouraged. This whole experience has made me lose my mind many times, mental breakdowns, depressed, anxious etc. Each time I fail, I feel like I am losing time. The voice in my head goes “You’re 26, and have never dated because you’re always ‘too busy’. How much longer are you going to try this exam?! Just give up already! Everyone around you is already married/have kids/ bought a house/ engaged”. At the same time, another voice in my head goes “don’t quit! I know you can do it. Ignore everyone else, ignore your emotions and focus on your studies.” This constant battle is driving me nuts. Can anyone relate?
So, you're failing forward towards success passing the exam.
In the meantime, part of you wants a single life, while another part wants a married life. As you look at these two, what is the single life striving towards? And, what is the married life striving towards?
@Anon99999 Welcome to SG!... I think the main problem here is that you're not being completely honest with yourself. If you can't answer the question, "What do YOU really want?... I think it's because you're being driven by who you THINK you're supposed to be -- society's idea of success, not really what you want your life to be. It's obvious that you're not happy and fulfilled -- you're doubting yourself, and looking for outside successes to validate your worth. I define success as a person who is aligned with their true self -- being who they truly are, and following their true passion. Successful as a human being, is knowing your worth and value, not needing outside approval or recognition -- feeling happy and fulfilled in being able to connect emotionally with people. Loneliness is the result of lack of emotional connection, which is necessary for true intimacy (closeness) with another human being. You can feel alone in a room full of people -- and you can be alone, but not lonely. The fact that you referred to yourself as a "workaholic" shows that your life is out of balance -- any extreme is not conducive to a happy and fulfilling life. I've learned through lifelong experience (I used to be like you when I was in school), that your self-worth doesn't depend on getting top grades on exams, how much money you make, having a high status career, or material wealth. I've learned through some very hard lessons, which were necessary for me to find my true self -- as I had no idea who I was for a good part of my life. It wasn't until after losing everything, and having to come face to face with myself, that I found out that your worth isn't based on what you DO, but on who you ARE as a person. I suggest you go into therapy with a therapist who's right for you -- work on healing and understanding yourself, before you make any serious decisions. You're worth that, and your future depends on it.....