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I'm stressing out right now and I'm feeling depressed as wel

I'm stressing out right now and I'm feeling depressed as well. I should be happy that I just got offered a job that I really wanted but I'm stressing out that I can't find a way to get to the job due to my situation at the moment.

Long story short, I'm on a break with my girlfriend at the moment due to me not being the family man I needed to be for my family and I was being immature and stupid. I know I screwed up and now I'm staying with my brother who is 2 hours away from where I live in the Bay Area.

My job offer is in the Bay and I've been working hard for the last 12 hours trying to find a way to get to the bay for my job. I don't have a car at the moment which makes it hard and I'm really trying to find anything that can get me there.

My last resort is asking my girlfriend if I can come back home and letting her know that I got a good job and it's close to home but everyone in my family is against this and they think that I'm going to revert back to my old ways.

That makes me upset because I know that I've screwed up and I don't want to screw up again. I want to prove everybody wrong that I won't go back to my old ways. I want to show them that I want to change for the better and do everything right by stepping up and being the family man my family needs out of me. My brother won't even drive me to Tracy where there is a shuttle that can take me to my job and I offered to pay for his gas but he won't do it. I understand his position but I'm really desperate and I'm really trying hard to fix my situation. I miss my family so much and it's stressing me out so much. I hate my life sometimes and I hate everyone at times. I know people around me are trying to help me out but sometimes I feel like I'm alone and no one wants to help me. I'm not asking for a hand out, just some assistance so I can save up money and possibly get a small car or something. I'm feeling like I'm in a losing battle and I feel like I'm a burden to people around me. I sometimes think what it would be like if I was not here anymore but it hurts me to think that way cuz I don't want to leave my girlfriend and daughter behind. I need some advice and some words of encouragement please. I'm so down at the moment. Thanks for reading.

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[250]
Aug 13

@Romans8 Thank you for the kind words. There is but those options either won't get to my job on time or it's just super expensive. At times I do love myself as I'm working hard at trying to better myself. I've been exercising more and eating better and just been thinking positive. But this roadblock just put me back in the same place and it's killing me and it's stressing me out. I know I have to think more positive but I just feel stuck. I know I have some time to figure this out as I just did my background check and I have to do a drug test tomorrow. The background check should take some time. I'm just feeling down and out and feeling like I get something good for it to all come crashing down.

I do want to ask my girlfriend on me coming home, but I'm so afraid of what she'll say. Either way I won't know if I don't ask. We've only been separated for almost a month with me trying to fix myself so I can be that man my family needs. I so badly want to change and I think I'm showing it. I miss my family so much and I just want to go home to be the provider of my family. But I just feel so stuck at the moment. I don't know what to do.

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[2820]
Aug 14

Be patient with yourself, I know you'll find a way. Keep nurturing yourself and being kind to yourself.

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[1195]
Aug 17

You could check with Bay area churches. I read in the news that some churches are helping people find housing. There is a place called the Trinity Center in Walnut Creek. They have a project called YIGBY that helps people with housing needs. Perhaps they can help you with your commuting needs too. Good luck with your new job! Prayers for your success and reconnecting with your family!

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