I had depression and anxiety for at lease 4 years and I have

[1390]

I had depression and anxiety for at lease 4 years and I have been completely ignoring it until last year when my condition together with it being the last year of undergrad, I started hitting myself and also became bulimic. All these lead me to fail one of my course at undergrad and that made me feel like an absolute loser. So I just cut myself away from society when I was writing my thesis which made my depression and bulimia even worse and I felt even worse about myself. oddly, I got an A in my thesis but that didn't matter cause I was suicidal. I felt like no one would ever want to spend any time with me. Fortunately I got help and I've been on four types of medication for the past 5 months. However, I still constantly feel like I'm a boring person and I keep cancelling my plans with friends in the fear that they will hate me once they spend time with me. How can I get out of this? Thank you so much for your help!

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Marlene1105's picture
[47970]
Feb 13

You should give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for continuing your education. That is awesome and quite an accomplishment! I am sure your friends admire and respect what you have done with your life. I am so glad you got some help and medication. I am sure you will be feeling much better!

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[1390]
Feb 16

@CKBlossom Thank you so much for your reply! I started making the small steps! I actually went out last nigh with friends and we had pitzza! Obviously I was worried about eating out but I resolved it by eating just a bit less than I should so that I won't be afraid of going out again. Small steps... I also messaged my other friends asking them if I can hang out with them. I made a sort of promise to myself to not cancel plans or skip classes. Hopefully it will help me to feel better soon because I feel like I am very close to breaking down inside completely.

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[1390]
Feb 16

@Marlene1105 Thank you so much for your take on my post! It feels good to hear such things from other people because my family is actually not happy with me (because I had a lower GPA than they wanted me to). I feel like they don't understand my situation at all and I also feel like I let them down and I feel ashamed of myself.

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