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New member here... single mom to a 3 year old little girl, f

New member here... single mom to a 3 year old little girl, father is mostly absent but seems to be changing for the better in that he wants to spend more time with her. I am 34 years old, I was in a 4 year relationship, became pregnant on birth control and decided a year later to seperate from my daughter's father because he was emotionally abusive and life was much better for my daughter and I. It has been very hard doing it on my own, I don't regret anything, but I'm sad. I'm trying to be my best for her, but 2 years I have focused on her and I, I have dated occassionally, but I have this weighing feeling of being alone forever, and the pressure of havingt o do this on my own for life. I'm scared. I am financially stable, so that is not my worry, but I have to work full time which leaves me not much time with my daughter. I long for a companion in my life. I know I don't need one, and I am doing well without a partner, but it something I have always wanted and I can't seem to find anything remotely what I am looking for. I feel at my age, most of the men do not want to date me bc I have a child, the older ones want someone younger with no baggage, and most men just don't want to have to deal with baby issues. It just makes me sad that because of my circumstances I am not given chances- overall I am stable, happy, successful, have great friends, own a home, have all the things to keep me positive but I have this sense of dread. The dating game isn't what it once was. I feel lonely most of the time, and scared that I will be raising her for the rest of her and my life alone- it feels like a lot of pressure/stress/worry.

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FitHappy30s's picture
[26510]
May 16

I felt the same when my daughter was about that age and ended up settling for someone I loved, but didn't love me. It was a toxic relationship and I left as soon as I saw it begin to affect my daughter. Whatever you do, don't settle just for the sake of having someone. I've never liked the way dating happens now, so it didn't happen for me. The best thing you can do is make sure you still have fun. Make time for yourself too. If you also want more time with your daughter, you could see where you might be able to cut back in some areas of your life and maybe work part time. For me, working full time and seeing my daughter grow up without being able to see all those changes was torture. I wanted to see all those little growths. I work from home now and have gotten to see so much change in her. And the growth spurts! They grow so fast, even when you're there to see it they seem to do it overnight. Being a single mom can be hard, very hard sometimes, but being financially stable relieves a very large portion of that pressure/stress/worry. The rest is what every parent feels, it's just the responsibility of parenthood. This anxiousness you're feeling might just mean that you really take your daughters future seriously, and you should be very proud of that! Alot of parents out there don't. You'll be fine. As long as you and your daughter are happy, some day if you're meant to find another partner, they'll come along when you least expect it. Love often finds us when we aren't looking for it.

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[30]
May 16

Thank you for your words Verelinn- so important to not settle. I'm sorry you had to experience a toxic relationship too, but oftentimes those relationships teach us so much that we will never settle for less and can easily recognize the warning signs.

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FitHappy30s's picture
[26510]
May 16

@mamabee223 Definitely. For me it helped me learn how capable and deeply I love too. It'd be awesome to find someone able to reciprocate that, lol. Someday. Maybe. :) I'm happy being single now though. It is far more easy to see the warning signs now. Probably why we're still single, too many warning signs. Lol.

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