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I have been trying to help my wife deal with her shopping ad

I have been trying to help my wife deal with her shopping addiction and have been unsuccessful to this point. I guess you could say I am reaching for any advice or help in order to save a marriage that is falling apart. We have been together 10 years, married for 4 of them and have two wonderful kids.

I always had an idea that she spent a lot of money, but it wasn't until we got a joint account that I really started seeing there were issues. I have a good paying job but between her salary and mine, we barely make enough as it is to get all bills taken care of as well as paying for private school for the kids. It was about two years ago when she finally admitted to having a problem so we tried counseling, tried a cash allowance, tried taking away credit cards, only to end with her opening a new credit card account or PayPal account. Nothing has worked. She will stop for a short period of time, but it all eventually comes back in bunches. I tried making rules of limiting phone screen time at night but that fell through and unfortunately she has a job with a lot of free time she can spend on the computer browsing online. She is a hard worker and a great mother to our kids, but she has put us in such a financial hole that it makes it hard for me to stay motivated to give 100% everyday at work knowing it is money just going to her addiction. Now I am fighting depression and anxiety most of the time which is something I have never had to deal with. She has also fell back into denial and blaming it all on me for not doing enough to help.

I am a simple person that doesn't need much so it took me a lot longer to understand the addiction to shopping. I have done a lot of research and have come to the conclusion this all stems from her insecurities. All of the clothes and shoes she buys (you wouldn't believe the amount of clothes) are a mask. I tried to motivate her to exercise and just like anything else, she doesn't stick with it. Her insecurities also don't allow for much of a sex life either. Maybe once a month, twice if I am lucky but that's a whole other thing. For the first time in our relationship, I am considering a divorce. I just want to make sure I do everything I can to try and make this work and keep the family together. I do love her and care for her tremendously but I just don't know how much longer I can keep myself together after fighting the lies and debt for so long. Any help or advice would be much appreciated.

Thank you.

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 3
[20]
Nov 8

The part I really don't know how to get past is the lies and lack of communication. I accepted the fact that this wouldn't just go away but it never has improved, not even the slightest. All I want is for her to be openly honest with me about what she buys and we can talk about it and work through it but she still hides it and lies about it. I tried to talk with her calmly about her last buying spree and she immediately starts yelling and blaming me for everything. We are to a point where it can't even be discussed without fighting.

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[50]
Nov 9

It makes me so sad because I’ve only been married 3 years and I know this must be how I make my husband feel and I don’t like that. It’s just so hard! The best advice I can give is to give her serious ultimatum and tell her she needs to see a therapist once a week!

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[690]
20 hours ago

Thanks for your honesty! Glad to hear you are researching and seeking help! Have you considered Christian counseling or a pastor? Sometimes these options offer deeper insight than others. They can also be more sustaining. Don't give up hope!! Prayers

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