I’ve come here because I’ve realized that I have a probl

I’ve come here because I’ve realized that I have a problem. I don’t know if I feel alone or insecure or both but I always shop to make myself feel better. I can talk myself into buying tons of clothes I don’t need for any reason— dressing the part at work, having something to wear to a particular event, etc. It sounds very cliche but I think it’s because I don’t feel like I am enough. I don’t feel like I am as successful as I wish I were at work, I don’t feel as connected with my partner as I wish, and I’ve always had feelings of not having enough. I have always been surrounded by people who have more, and most are genuine friends but I feel like after my parents divorce (more cliche) I was slapped with the realization that I did not or no longer had as much. My dad always liked to say “we are not rich” although he lived insanely well, while my moms living conditions worsened because of a political situation that cost her her job and savings as she was about ready to retire. My brother and I help my mom—gladly because she has given everything to us— but we both struggle to flourish. I make decent money but In between mortgage, helping my mother and other fixed expenses I should be more careful. I have a wonderful bf who although comfortable, has issues with money. He has bailed me out of credit card debt but holds against me that he is the one investing in home improvements. I have little or no saving capacity and when I have extra, I find something to buy... when I don’t, I rack up my credit cards...by the way I am sorry this is so long.. I feel like I need to get it all out and come clean. Whenever my boyfriend asks me if I have debt on my credit card I lie, hoping to resolve it before he notices, but I keep shopping. I shop online and I shop when he travels for work, which is very often. This weekend I did something insanely stupid. While he was away I turned in my lease and took out a new one, that alright I can pay, puts me in a position in which I cannot save. My lease was up in two months, but I was lured by the “good deal” and took it. I think it was Also a small rebellion Because a part of me resents him for having more money and for being angry that he has to spend more on the house. I chip in what I can but some of it is not visible to him. He pays for the handymen, I buy pillows and rugs and things to make the house look nice. I don’t know. I feel like I struggle to be perfect. I surround myself with nice things to feel better—all the stereotypes. Now I am in a real pickle because I need to return that car and be more reasonable. I wanted to feel in control and not like I was weaker financially and I made a horrible decision. I gave up my car with two payments pending—which I will pay with no car, and took a new one that I can and cannot afford. Tomorrow I will try to return it (I have had it for less than 48 hours) and hope I don’t lose more money on it. I was irrational. I did it all on my own while he was away. He was furious when he found out and said something that really struck a chord. How will we ever affo d children if to you have nonsavngs? Those things all crossed my mind last night while I experienced buyers remorse but I had decided to hope for the best (lotto) and push them down. When he said it though, everything really hit home. I am extremely immature about my finances. I think I have trouble accepting my situation and taking financial responsibility. It’s as if I don’t want to face reality. I feel terrible. This has been useful in unveiling a lot of hidden feelings in me but I realize I need help. My problem is deeper than self control. There has to be more that is driving me to spend so irrationally. I feel alone in a corner and I need help. Any thoughts are welcome.

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Mar 16

I can help you and am going to use your shopping addiction against your shopping addiction by making you buy a couple of financial literacy books that will help you end your financial misery. Nice right? You can buy your way to freedom. Jui jitsu if you would like. Here's an excerpt from Dave Ramseys book that I would like you to buy that states the following:

"We all need to be accepted by our crowd and our families. This need for approval and respect drives us to do some really insane things. One of the paradoxically dumb things we do is to destroy our finances is by buying garbage we can't afford to try to make ourselves appear wealthy to others. "

In other words, at this moment you have no self worth, and you try to 'buy' yourself to be worthy, to be loved, respected and to be appreciated by others.

However no amount of money is going to achieve this. Why not? Because loving yourself, and being loved by others needs to be 'unconditional' If you feel that ' oh i need to fulfill requirement 1,2,3 up to infinity before i will be loved or respected by others, then you are walking on a endless road that leads to nowhere.

And dave ramsey warns about 'keeping up with the Joneses' were 1 family always needed to buy ultra expensive gifts for christmas for 26 family members, and they had to say no. Which was emotionally difficult, but they had to stick with reality and that their own financial health was more important then 'what others think of you'.

So here's my list of recommended books for financial literacy i would recommend to you.

The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness


Dave Ramsey's Complete Guide To Money


To Buy or Not to Buy: Why We Overshop and How to Stop


Money Honey: A Simple 7-Step Guide For Getting Your Financial stuff Together


Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping By and Get Your Financial Life Together


There are TONS of great books on how to gain financial literacy. And books for working on emotionally balancing yourself. For instance

Self-Worth Essentials: A Workbook to Understand Yourself, Accept Yourself, Like Yourself, Respect Yourself, Be Confident, Enjoy Yourself, and Love Yourself


If you buy these books you will save many THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS!!!!! and save your own emotions as well. You'll be able to afford a future for your future children.

After you read these essential books, you will understand the direction of where your life needs to go. Namely that of loving yourself and others, and gaining knowledge. At this moment the knowledge that you specifically need is that of financial literacy and self worth. I can only point you in the right direction though, you will have to do the effort of walking on this yellow brick road towards a better life, but it's OH SO WORTH IT!!!

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