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Hey Everyone, just an introduction: I'm a 32yo married mothe

Hey Everyone, just an introduction: I'm a 32yo married mother of one 11 year old boy.

I have came to the realization that I have a serious online shopping addiction. At first the sound of that was silly to me- almost comical. Until I read the "signs" and it hit me like a ton of bricks- that's me. I have an online shopping addiction.

It started with Amazon "deal" sites (Snagshout, VIPon) where you can get items at a heavy discount in exchange for leaving reviews. Most of the things I bought I didn't even necessarily want or need... I only bought them because it was a great "deal". I've always been a bargain hunter- I get a "high" from finding a good deal. When I found out how EASY it was to do this online I started buying things multiple times a day. My husband started to fuss because the junk was cluttering up the house & the smaller purchases add up when I'm buying several a day. It has now evolved to "deals" I find on popular sites like BradsDeals & now apps like Posmark & Mercari. So from innocently spending $1-2/day I've gone to spending $15-20+. When I went to may my weekly bills and realized I didn't have enough money to cover our cable bill when I should have had a lot left over I was shocked. I mean what's $10-15 right? That had turned into over $300 in a matter of a couple weeks. Which may not sound like much but what worried me was most of it, if not ALL of it, I have been hiding. I have a separate credit card I use that my husband won't see. I have my email icon hidden so he doesn't browse through my email and see any order confirmations. I have some sites send order and shipping confirmations to my office email address so that he can't see them if he gets my phone. I have all of my orders shipped to my office or PO Box so he doesn't see them. He'll ask where I got something & I'll come up with excuses. Oh, I've had that. I bought it at the consignment store. My coworker gave it to me. My friend gave it to me. Any believable excuse I can come up with. I've had my coworker cover for me. Looking back now that's just so embarrassing. It's to the point to where if my husband would look at our bank account or credit card statements and see all that I've spent on stuff I've hidden from him he'd probably leave me. Not as much for buying stuff but lying and hiding it from him and being so sneaky about it. When he started forbidding me to keep shopping online I just found ways to do it without him knowing. I feel like I'm being unfaithful or cheating! When he picks up my phone for anything I start to sweat. Did I close out all of my apps? Did I clear my browsing history? Did I close out my email? It's ridiculous. I'm tired of it. I didn't realize what a problem it had become until a few days ago... and when I told my friends at work I thought I had a problem they said "Yeah we've noticed that for years but didn't want to offend you by saying anything". I'm at the point to where I feel like if I stop now I can manage to keep it from my husband so he doesn't flip out on me. He's threatened to take over our finances before & I don't trust him to because he's not very "book smart" & I'm afraid he'll miss bills or pay them late/screw up our accounts. I've managed to keep our finances under control to an extent but if I keep it up I won't be able to. I also feel so guilty because my husband doesn't hide things from me. He asks me before he buys anything other than small stuff he needs for work. He's the main breadwinner of our family & drives a truck spending 14+ hours a day away from home. And I have the nerve to waste the money on junk and lie and hide it from him. It's just sickening. I can't confess it to him, he will not be proud of me for doing something about it, he'll hate me for hiding it. So I am going to have to change on my own.

So far here are some things I've done to help:
Deleted all shopping apps
Unsubscribed from all shopping email lists
Deleted accounts to places like Poshmark & Mercari
Removed all of my saved payment methods to all sites. If there is something I NEED I'm going to have to pull my card out and type it in every time
Removed all bookmarks to shopping sites
Downloaded an ad blocker to keep things from popping up to tempt me
Started making a list of all the things I've restrained from shopping for. If I think of something I want to shop for I will put it on my list & the longer it gets the more satisfaction I have that I resisted the temptation.
Confessed what I've done to my friends, family & coworkers. I need to be held accountable by someone other than myself.

This turned out to be an awfully long intro... Sorry about that. I just feel like I need a support system of people that have managed to kick their shopping addiction. Open to any and all advice! Do any of you have any tips or tricks to keep yourself from caving? This is only my 3rd day... and I'm still getting my previous purchases packages in the mail. Once they stop coming I'm afraid I'm going to go through "withdrawls" and cave.

If you made it this far, thanks for taking the time to read my long post. I look forward to any support from you guys. Thanks!

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aplaw723's picture
[200]
Sep 6

Hi, thanks for the advice! Never thought about it having anything to do with ocd. I’ll check into that!

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[20]
Sep 10

@aplaw723 I would recommend you to listen to podcast by minimalist gurus and DaveRamsey. There are many more like Matt Devela . Their works and logic makes sense, You can also refer to books by authors like Marie Kondo and Cait Flanders. They help in getting motivated to have less. Also try make saving a priority. I did all these and they have helped. I am still downsizing and I do shop now. But its getting more and more restrained, Take care .

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dan1950's picture
[3075]
Sep 11

Think about a portion of your sales amount dedicated to a Irrevocable Minors Account so when he becomes 21 or so he can fund some college or a truck. Might lessen some guilt. You can read about it and even sign up at Charles Schwab or many other placese but I would avoid banks because their fees usually are higher then paid interest.

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