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My daughter abuses me verbally. Not frequently, but when

My daughter abuses me verbally. Not frequently, but when she does she really pulls out all the stops, name calling, degrading, humiliating, rage, every decision I have made was wrong and stupid, I didn't and don't support her in any way,and it just leaves me feeling numb, and heart broken. I do not believe what she says to me, but it hurts me beyond words that she thinks that way about me. She started being abusive verbally when she was 13 or 14, she is now 41. She can be abusive to her husband and kids too. There are times I think I should just leave her alone, because I just seem to irritate her, but she has two boys who I adore and I don't want to loose access to them, and she would have no problem I think sometimes doing just that. I read other abuse posts, and I feel like mine is nothing compared to what some people go through, but using your words as a weapon can be very traumatic. I have no one to talk to about this. I worry about my daughter too because her rages come from nowhere, for no apparent reason, I have no idea what triggers them, and the venom in her screaming is scary. She has gone to a therapist off and on, but from what I can tell, her version of things is really screwed up and she tells the therapist what he/she wants to hear. We had our last blowup a few days ago, on the phone, and what is very strange to me is that she says all these things, hangs up on me, and then just goes on like everything is great in her life. I see her facebook posts, and she seems to be having a good time. I am very scared for her and her family-it isn't healthy for her kids to be exposed to that, and she does not do it quietly. She says things in front of her kids that makes my jaw drop, but God help me if I ever say anything about it. Her other side, and she does have one, is that of a caring, loving person but that can turn on a dime. She has lost friends because of her behavior, and she just doesn't get the connection. We live in the same town, and I see her maybe once month and I almost never get to see the kids. In her good times, she tells me she loves me, but every time she does this, I just feel there is one more wedge shoved in the middle of our relationship. Any one else have the same issue?

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Karen mdm's picture
[1495]
Apr 6, 2013

As awful as this behavior is I'm sorry to say it isn't so unusual for a parent to be verbally/emotionally abused by their child. Seems like she has gotten away with this behavior for years for it to escalate to this point. If she doesn't acknowledge that she is the one with the problem that is effecting not only her but her family then not too much can be done. You could try asking her if there was anyway that future conflict could be avoided and stress the importance of guiding your relationship in a different direction. This would be considered a positive approach. Her loving side could never make up for the nasty side that you described in your post. I just hope she isn't this way with her children at home. Your last resort would be to contact your county social service department explain your situation and they will direct you to the appropriate case manager. You are in my thoughts.......

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