Hello Amazing Members this week's "Life Hack" is out, click BLOG (above on the green menu bar) to check it out!!!! *****"Imperfection is my kind of perfect!"*****Learning to be okay with a life that is perfectly IMPERFECT!!!! HINT: when you click https://www.supportgroups.com/blog/imperfection-is-my-kind-of-perfect, make sure to click READ MORE to see the full article. -SG

Greetings! I'm a new member here, & thank u kindly for the

Greetings!
I'm a new member here, & thank u kindly for the acceptance into the group.
A little about myself.. mid thirties, love to study, travel, & shop. I'd experienced sexual abuse from the age that is unknown, until I was eight for years by a cousin and three times by my best friend at the time, brother. I remember the very day that I put the abuse to end but was never able to talk about it.

Although, I've published a book, wrote many blogs, & attended support group meetings, at this present time/space, I am officially fearless, boiling inside, & ready for action. To be completely free from this dumb *** secret, makes me want to dance ( I know it's weird), but it is directly connected to stagnant behavior. It's not my intent to offend anyone with my word choice..

Anyways, I haven't visited "home" since I left there 13years ago for new endeavors. Question.
Has Anyone Confronted their Abusers??? One-on-One or as a Group???
xoxo

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initwithyou61's picture
[3645]
Oct 11

Welcome to the group Star. Congratulations on your new found freedom an fearlessness.
I have never confronted my abusers. This whole Bret Kavanaugh thing has made me ponder a lot of things. I was abused by people close in age to me. I don't know if there is a difference in being abused by an older person. I heard a man on a radio call in program say that probably every single man has something in his past that he regrets. Is teenage, raging hormones the same as someone who preys on younger people? I don't know the answers. I just kept thinking when that woman was accusing Bret - this happened over 30 years, if at all. He obviously is an upstanding individual who has not made a habit of abusing women. Sorry to ramble, but that's how my mind has been going the past couple weeks.
I have never confronted the abusers because they have both gone on to get married, have children and now have grandchildren. They have been hardworking productive members of society. I think Bret's accuser should have confronted him 30 years ago. Or let it go. Bringing it up now only created chaos, confusion, etc. One of the accusers did come to me about 20 years ago and apologize. But I had forgiven both of them because I heard that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I didn't want to unforgiveness and bitterness to kill my soul.

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[50]
Oct 14

Thank you for your welcome and response!

The only reason why I haven't yet confronted my abusers is because I used to care about what people might say about this truth and etc. At this point, idc what anyone thinks...

The sexual abuse will be passed on from generation-to-generation, and this I cannot Live with... There is a serious issue with myself not speaking out and the cycle of trauma will continue in my family unless I stand up for myself who will have children someday. I want to teach my children the importance of communication and build a bond of trust, something I did not have with my guardians. Besides my family is totally oblivious of my absence for years now, and it's not that I am looking to hurt anyone, but the truth will set me free, not them. The cases considering politicians, priests, or the common people is shedding light on 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by the age of 18 in the U.S. Most will not speak out because of the stigmas attached.... I recall asking my child abuse group facilitator, why do so many people remain silent? Her reply was, if they would speak out, then I wouldn't have a job.

Meanwhile, I sympathize in your case. BUT You have the right to do what's best for you.

xoxo

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initwithyou61's picture
[3645]
Oct 16

So proud of you for wanting to be a part of stopping this cancer that seems to have taken over our society. As you said, priests, politicians, etc. etc. What our country needs to understand (and maybe they're beginning to) is that sexual assault is not just rape. Sexual assault is any form of sexual language, exposure, behavior, etc. that is inappropriate and that is forced on the victim against their will. I worked in a grocery store when I was younger. I was stooped down in front of a shelf and a manager came over to me and said, "While you're down there . . . " Then he laughed. I was so innocent and naive I didn't realize until later what he was suggesting. But I know what you mean. This has to stop. Sending hugs and prayers that you will find the courage and strength to do what you have to do.

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