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Today was my 18th birthday. Everything was going so well unt

[1205]

Today was my 18th birthday. Everything was going so well until I remembered my sexual assault from three years ago and just... became disconnected from my body somehow, if that makes sense? I was driving and it was like I was there but I couldn't zone back in properly but I could still drive. It wasn't until I felt normal again that I had a good cry. I just bawled and yelled to god like the wound was as fresh as it was three years ago. I'm still a bit sad, and I'm genuinely terrified about the way it felt to be... disconnected?? I don't know how to describe it. Sometimes it feels like my trauma isn't valid enough... because he was only a few years older than me. But I was only fifteen. I was too young to be handled and treated the way I was. I only engaged in this stuff because I was manipulated into thinking that if I didn't do it, he would leave me. He told me he loved me. I don't know how to deal with it sometimes, it all just feels so overwhelming. Sometimes I just don't know how much longer I can go on without retaliating against him in some way. He opened the flood gates for me to be over sexualized at a young age, and life has never been the same ever since.

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[1205]
Jul 29

@L2015 Thank you so much for this response, it was really nice to have my experience be validated. I actually did call the hotline you sent me, and they helped me find resources. It's taken me a while to reach out for help but taking this first step makes me feel better. Thank you.

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[1205]
Jul 29

@justamomof2 Thank you, it's refreshing to have someone validate my experience.

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Llg176's picture
[540]
Aug 1

My sexual assaults happened more than 10 years ago and since I have just recently started going to therapy, I have had memories come back and i dissociate just like you describe. It doesn't matter that it was years ago. In the moment you probably rationalized the experience by making excuses for them and telling yourself it was nothing. You just denied that it happened, or denied to yourself how bad it really was. Please rest assured that you are not alone, you did not deserve any of this and we are here for you.

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