Hello, looking for advice on touching and Sexual abuse by a

Hello, looking for advice on touching and Sexual abuse by a doctor

I had to go to chiropractor when I was young, it continued for 3 years. After some time as I grew bigger, he was doing treatments on me, I was alone with him in room. This started when I was 12. My mother did not suspect anything wrong, and I did not say anything to her. It went more strange after several times. The doctor said I suffer from Scoliosis. As I got older,, I needed to visit him many times, up to twice per month. My mother trusted this doctor, she never question anything he said.

He always examine and treat my legs, back and shoulders. By stretching and manipulation of joins and ligament. After I reach puberty, I noticed he changed his slowly exams and start with touch my chest and breasts also. He never comment on this, he said all was required for treatment. He made my nipples stand out. I would feel aroused, and I was feeling so embarrassed. I was thinking that he did normal medical produce and I was so shameful for how I reacted. When I was lying down in the medical bed, on my front, I could not see what he was doing. Only feel it. When he treated my back and hips I can feel he had many times one hand on my buttock, and he kept on pressing a finger between my legs, while I need to stretch leg. I felt that something was not correct with his examinations, but I was too scared to tell anything to my mother. It also was very arousing feeling. I understand now, that he was trying different ways to arouse my body. He was putting pressure on the clitoris area, through the panties. It is so shameful to admit, but sometime he would go on until I had an orgasm, I tried to prevent it so much. But often I was not able to.

I went to him for several years, I stop when I was 14 years old. I never told my mother about this. After this , I became very very easily triggered by medical treatments, especially by an older doctor. I also fantasize a lot about what happened, and sometime I can not stop my body to react. I masturbate to these memories. It is very embarrassing afterwards. Is there some techniques could I use, or ways to prevent these flashbacks and thoughts?

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(350)
Feb 24

@Anett. Welcome to the group, I am sorry to hear about your abuse and wish I could offer advice on that but I think you would need to see an abuse counselor. Since I am a sex addict, not a counselor please allow me to share what helped me overcome acting out. The twelve steps of SA. These may help you break free from the grip of the memories and reactions. A quick google will show the website with information and booklets that you can order. I would advise against going to a meeting but the 12 steps, much like the AA 12 steps may help. Good luck and God bless!

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(115)
Feb 26

@Isaiah4031 Thank you ! I will look into it. This one ? https://www.sa.org/twelve

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(350)
Feb 27

@Anett. Yes that is the one. I know for me going to meetings and working the steps helped me break the addiction and get my brain to function like a relatively normal person. I hope that it might help you as the cycle you described is the same as most sex addicts, myself included, but with your personal details. I hope that helps, good luck and God bless!

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