Usually this is not the type of support group I'm looking fo

Usually this is not the type of support group I'm looking for. I'm trying to figure out how to stop porn/sex chatting and it aint all ways easy. For about four years I had been set free from this and then one Christmas I drove past an adult sex store that I didn't even know that exsited in a town I went through on my way to my brother's house. I have gone months so probably three or four months and then every so often I'll go back to porn/sex chatting like it's nothing. But then I have all these gulity feelings that I've litterally done something wrong. I have struggled with this since I was 18 and now I'm 38. I feel like I know why I struggle with this. When I was younger as a child I was sexually abuse and my own dad gave me permission to look at his porn magizens but I never looked at them. I mean seriously why give a 12 year old permission when instead I shouldn't have been given permission is how I feel on it.

I've been in and out of therapy since I was 18 because of the abuse and wanting to kill myself. Currently not in therapy and haven't been in over a year.

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Scarlet2020's picture
May 4

Thanks for sharing. I know how you feel, as I'm kinda in the same boat. I too was abused as a child, so maybe subconsciously that's partial reason why. Then I also suffer from severe lonliness, depression, body dysmorphia, etc. The chatting one is hard to stop, though I keep to others I get to know, but it can take over your wellbeing. I'm not sure the answer. I hope you find your answer.

May 4

@Loveovercomes I dwell on it for a while before trying to get back on track. This may sound a little religious but I hope not. If Jesus isn't enough then what is enough? Jesus died for all my sins so why isn't He enough for me to get rid of this? Just speaking about it makes me want to stay in it. I'm going to try to do the Celebrate Recovery study. I've order the first four books. The closest CR that is near me is an hour away. I've talked to a friend about this addiction before but that was months ago. All I wanted to do was run right back to it.

Loveovercomes's picture
54 minutes ago

Hey Faith, I tend to dwell on it when I fall off of sobriety. It's happened far too often for me to feel comfortable with but that's because I hold myself to such a high standard, unreasonably high. I did a celebrate recovery program in my treatment center and it was an incredible thing, I found some love there that I didn't exactly expect. I'm not a "religious" person, but I believe that Jesus died for our sins, I believe that God is far beyond what we can even fathom, There will always be pain in this world, God also sees things in a much bigger way than we do. You are in the midst of your storm, when you're in the midst of it all you can do is see the storm, God sees what's beyond it. He saw long before you got to this point that in order to get where you are going you had to travel through this.

I look at my life now and I will be the first to admit that there are aspects that I don't love, things that make me want to give in at points. But then there are moments where I speak to someone who is trudging through the same mud that I did not too long ago, and I'm thankful for the broken road that led me to the very moment that person needed me and for the love and compassion that I was able to have for them simply because I know what it's like to have crossed the line I never thought I would. I know what it's like to hate myself for something that I could not control, then to come out on the other side knowing that it's ok to be true to myself. Now I can talk to my friend who is struggling with the same thing and I can hug them and tell them it will be ok and know it's true from the bottom of my heart.
Jesus clears away your sin, because He knows it's not who you are, it doesn't mean that he eases your path, because you're worth every step on that journey!

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