I feel so messed up. I've been seeing a sex addiction therap

[885]

I feel so messed up. I've been seeing a sex addiction therapist who has helped me a lot. I have stopped talking and meeting up with all the guys except one man who I feel I have fallen in love with. He has fallen in love with me. I'm still married but plan on telling my husband at the end of decemeber I want out. I love my husband but it's not true love and I know I will live to resent him if I don't stay with this other man.
Last night I went out with this other man and got so trashed that I flirted with another man right in front of him. It was all for attention but my boyfriend was irate rightfully so.
I realize I can't handle my liquor so 2 drinks has to be my limit. My boyfriend forgave me but I feel so rotten. All of this makes me feel terrible. I don't want to hurt anyone.
I'm addicted to the attention. This sounds bad but I know I'm attractive and when I go out getting attention from men is pretty easy. Watching them check u out.
Is there anyone else who can relate to me? I feel so alone and so sad

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[4300]
Nov 14

*hugs* I feel very sorry for what you are going through.

What you are doing is known as 'gap filling', basically there's a black hole in your heart. And no matter how many men or how much attention you get it's never enough. And all your attempts to fill up this gap in your soul are not working because you don't know what your soul runs on, namely love.

Just like a car doesn't run on water, your soul doesn't run on liquor or attention, but on love.

The meaning of life is to learn to love everyone, and to obtain knowledge.

So usually, there are 2 scenarios.0 One is where one was neglected or traumatized during childhood, and they try to 'fix it' by turning their attention to all kinds of worldly pleasures. But what you get as a result is self destructive behavior. Where you are destroying yourself, and hurting other people.

The second one is usually from a unhappy relationship, where the lack of intimacy would drive one in the arms of other partners.

I can't exactly say whether you'd fit in the first or second scenario or maybe even both. BUT, there is one thing that is undeniable. No matter HOW beautiful you are, or how easy you get attention from others. It's not allowed to hurt others. You have a responsibility towards yourself and towards others to preserve their feelings and making sure you and others do not get hurt.

I don't want to sound too harsh of course, because i understand fully in my heart that you never meant to be in such a situation or to cause hurt to others, also if you are very beautiful it's only natural that you get a lot of attention. But the direction that i hope to steer you in , is one that you better manage it, learn to love yourself and others, and try not to hurt yourself or others in the process.

I would advice to keep sticking with your sex addiction therapist, and maybe also go through any childhood trauma that you've possibly endured and try to determine 'what it is' that made you go into this self destructive pathway, realize what it does to you, and get help to get out of this toxic situation, and move towards a healthy lifestyle.

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