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trigger warning ive been thinking of cutting myself again.

[220]

trigger warning
ive been thinking of cutting myself again. i google pictures of cutting to calm myself down. there is nothing like that feeling and that is very scary to me. it has been a couple years since i quit cutting and im scared that i might do it again.

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NormalFreak101's picture
[97215]
Jul 15

@www.hope I wanted to hurt others. It definitely helps. I used to stare at killing death in cartoons to make myself realize that i was wrong. I would stare at it for hours on end reminding myself why. I wanted to see red blood from my arm coming out of me and I had to do whatever it takes to get better. I did that for 18 months. I highly recommend it if you are thinking negative such as jail, suicide, murder, serial killer. Note I am not like that anymore.

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www.hope's picture
[705]
Jul 16

@Error101 Well, it's good you found something that works. As long as you are not hurting yourself, or other, you have time to keeping learning new coping skills.

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NormalFreak101's picture
[97215]
Jul 20

@www.hope actually, I am much better. I don't harm myself anymore. I know that if I do self harm again. I will have to commit suicide to protect others from me where I live ("to protect others rule"). I live by my rules. I made them when I was younger because my mind was attacking myself. I faught within myself daily. I asked my dad for help because I was struggling with depression at 5 years old ("guessing" I know I was in 3-5 grade). He told me to go to bed and don't worry. I was hoping he had talk to me about my problem then. I wasn't suicidal, but I had everyday visioned multiple personalities of myself. I made up names, different personalities, I had at least 5 to 50. That is why rules were created to protect others from myself. I didn't understand life, I don't understand what is depression. I am used to it and that is why I am not effected by it.

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