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why does it not seem to get better, multiple panic attacks t

zellla's picture
[850]

why does it not seem to get better, multiple panic attacks today so worried about what people think about me. self harmed at school again, made myself bleed a lot so i cad to say, i have dropped hints at my friend that i self harm. i only told her because she was considering self harm and i wouldn't wish it on anyone, my friend thought i was self harming at school but i denied it.i could have told her got help, but instead i came home and cut more. the last few days have been worse than normal. i think it is slowly getting worse. i can only just deal with it now. i had an argument with one of the popular girls in my year and i sort of hinted at the possibility of me self harming but now she is saying stuff behind my back to my friend and i just feel that all my friends are leaving and they believe the things people say but i cant handle loosing them that would just push me over the edge. i am so close to giving up but carry on hopping tomorrow will be better. i don't see why everyone hates me. well i guess i do because i do and always have hated me as well. i don't know why i cant find that one person who will always be by my side. allot of people say to talk to them but i cant. i cant talk to my friends let alone total strangers, i have now started to not eat as well because i'm fat and i,m fed up of being told this along with all the other stuff i,m just done, whats the point in trying when no one will care if i die, they will probably celebrate and throw a party i'm done i cant face school not knowing what they are saying about me. i just don,t want them to know about me self harming. for all i know that is what they are saying, and i cant stand it anymore im just done. i fell in love with my best friend and now we are drifting apart and i just feel like the whole word is turning against me and im done with living, with breathing, with speaking. but no one gets that they just think im doing it for attention. im not, if i was i would be bragging about it. i know i need help but im to scared to ask for it to admit my problems. i know what people say about me and if they found out about this i can only imagine about the grief they would give me, they wouldnt care if they caused it they would just carry on

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norseduncan's picture
[178025]
Mar 13

what are you doing to make it better? I think an important first step is not caring so much about what others think of you. another if you are concerned about your weight is eating better and exercising. not eating will not help anything and do you harm. another would be sharing, opening up. I don't think you do these things for attention. I think you are suffering. but this wont get better without your effort

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