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*** trigger warning *** Im trying and trying to express ho

*** trigger warning ***
Im trying and trying to express how i feel but i just dont know what to say . Has anyone ever been so sad that they just shut down ? So sad that one wishes the floor would open and you would sink right into it never to be seen again ? Hoping all the pain would stop . Maybe everybody would be happy if i am not there because all i seem to be doing is hurting people . Well i guess i feel that way . I just want to disappear somewhere. Go so far away never to be found again . I cant even cry . Why cant i cry ? Im sitting here all numb . I dont feel any pain . I ran away only to be brought back with fake hopes and promises. I see no way out other then death . Would that solve the problem ? Being slapped multiple times by your parents it feels like being stabbed over and over and over and over by someone you trust . Someone you cherish. Maybe it was my mistake . Maybe i was born to be treated like this . I keep being told things will get better yet they never do . Stand up for yourself yet no one stands beside me when i do . I dont hate myself but i dont love myself either . I guess i despise myself . Confusing right well i guess im as confused as everyone . Sitting here on the floor thinking what to write and even at this i am failing . I want to die .

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[275]
Jun 13

@JaaKK ill try but i just fear i will somehow manage to mess this up also like every other thing

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[720]
Jun 16

Good for you for trying!- :) I mess up all the time, I just have to get back up and try again. You can do that too! :)

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[3615]
Jun 18

I am so sorry you are hurting! No, you don't deserve this abuse and weren't born for this, you were born for many beautiful and amazing things and times! Are you able to move out and be on your own or with a trusted room mate? Getting away from the negative can help in your healing, even if it's just being in another room. Don't make another's brokenness your own. They may have grown up that way and are passing it on to you but you don't have to pass it or or accept it, you are worth more, you were made to thrive, grow and blossom! Helping others can help in your healing too, look to those around you that you relate to and can help. If you have to live in this sad situation, do what you can to be the light in darkness or avoid confrontation, if you can't then stand up against it and say it is wrong, don't let yourself be beaten down. healing hugs sent your way, you are loved. <3

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