My boyfriend and I have been having some problems lately. He

My boyfriend and I have been having some problems lately. We are 22, in college. He used to seem like the calmest-tempered guy, but lately that has changed. When we have been fighting if I interrupt him or look away when we're arguing, he grabs my jaw extremely hard, pushes me on the bed, pinches me, flicks me, etc. I have even started to get bruises from it sometimes. He has never hit me or punched me, but when he grabs my jaw it hurts really bad, and these events are starting to occur closer together. He claims this isn't physical abuse because he isn't "hitting or punching me," but is it? I don't know what to think for myself anymore. It feels terrible both physically and mentally.

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definitelymaybe's picture
May 18, 2019

In my view this is abuse. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is a situation you should try to get out of. An option might be to stay with friends or family for a while, he might become agitated and get even worse if he knows how you feel. He's doing something to deliberately hurt you, you may want to file a police report, but if you don't want to, i would suggest just getting away. No one deserves to be treated this way.

Technofreak's picture
May 20, 2019

I know college is demanding and you both are very young, but physical/mental abuse is not acceptable at any age! This is just the beginning of the abuse so think hard and imagine a life time of this abuse unless he gets help now. You are still young so that is a plus. It's time to make the hard decision to make your life better. There is better life out there for you. Go out there and get it. NOW!

May 20, 2019

@hello Sorry youre going through that. If you are being hurt physically, that IS physical abuse. There is much more to it than that however. Not only is he a physical abuser but he is an emotional abuser as well.
You are living with someone who is not able to respond in a way that will allow you to come to a mutual understanding about issues that come up in your relationship. That will leave you feeling unsupported emotionally and without the love that you expected to find in the relationship. As you say, the incidents are increasing and that places you at risk of being seriously hurt.

Others are correct; you need to move to a secure situation and remove all contact with him. Your job right now is to protect yourself. If he should find out where you are and try and contact you, don’t allow him to persuade you to come back with a promise that he will change. Unless he is able to get a lot of help, that is not going to happen.

If, on the other hand, he finds out where you are and he threatens you, it will be time for you to go to the police and file a restraining order. You deserve a much better relationship than he is offering you and its time for you to move on so you can find that.

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