Hi, I'm 13 years old and have a 30-degree curve. I was diagn

Hi, I'm 13 years old and have a 30-degree curve. I was diagnosed with scoliosis when I was 11 and got a brace when I was 12.
Getting a brace and living with it is hard. I don't feel like myself anymore.
After a year of wearing the brace and increasing in degrees, last few months I gave up.
I didn't wear my brace and stopped doing my exercises. I didn't want to do anything that involved my back.
It brought my happiness level down, I never felt like doing anything because of the pain and the brace.

I never told my parents about how I was feeling. I felt that they would never understand, none of them had to go through what I have to. I felt different from everyone. I felt alone and sad.

Before, during, and now I also had some other things going on that brought me down.
I always felt that I was my sister's shadow.
Back when I was 11, I had a best friend that I did everything with. She was very funny and super nice.
Then I introduced her to my sister. And things started to change.
She would always want to hang out with my sister and call her. I would always be the third wheel.
I felt alone, she was my friend I would talk to about everything

We also had a childhood friend, she was one of our closest friends.
Until she moved close to where we lived. After a few months, we hung out every day and went to school with her. But she started to change.
I walked into class one day and said hi to her. She looked up but didn't say anything.
I walked by thinking that it was fine. Then she walked over to my sister and said hi to her and they started talking. I joined in and she stopped.
I felt as if I wasn't good enough. That I was the twin that should've been the mistake.
After all this, I found out I had scoliosis, which was the worst news I could've gotten at the time.
I never told anyone about how I felt.
Until about 2 months ago I told my sister about how I felt with my brace.
She didn't support me or tried to talk me out of it.
I never brought up the subject ever again.
She was my best friend, even though others had thought that she was better than me.

Then the virus hit, wearing a brace during a lockdown isn't the best, I had to wear the brace for more and more hours a day. My skin got itchy, dry, and large red lumps.
But soon I found a really nice person, she was always including and super sweet.
Until I started to become less and less motivated to do anything.
I wouldn't want to talk to my friends or go outside.
My days always seemed gray even though the sky was blue.
Soon, she started to call and hang out with my sister more. It brought my mood lower and lower.
Soon I felt that my days weren't worth living.
I felt torn and bottled up inside. This is the first time I have ever written something like this.
I'm tired of saying I'm fine but it's the easiest thing to say when someone asks.
I feel like a gray cloud covering up my sun.
Thank you for reading if you have gotten this far. :)

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(4355)
Sep 10, 2020

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. But, the good news is you will likely have much better posture than many of us. Your body will get trained to be straight and even when you're done with the brace your body will keep the posture. Perhaps once in a while you could try to fake enjoying time with others? I get that what you're going through can certainly bring you down. But it's like a domino effect. If you're down all the time, others will look for happier people to be around. Maybe start a gratitude journal where you list things from the day that you are grateful for and/or made you the littlest bit happy. Even if it was just a 2 second chuckle, write it down. Or just a small grin, add it to the list. The more you focus on the good things, the less you'll focus on the negative. It can even boost your body's healing, possibly getting you out of the brace sooner. Prayers for peace, joy, and healing.

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(70)
Nov 2, 2020

how are you doing now?

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(70)
Nov 2, 2020

hey i was wondering if you could support me because i want to talk to you . ik im a total stranger but i feel like im going through something similar to you. i was diagnosed a couple weeks ago with scoliosis and i wanted to talk to someone who can relate to what im going through. i hope you have a wonderful day!

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