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Hello I am here seeking people that have been or are in the

MRS.DARK's picture

Hello I am here seeking people that have been or are in the same situation as I am. My husband is schizophrenic/bipolar. He started to have issues with extreme Paranoia when he was 28. Things only got worse from there he is now 30 and is getting so bad I'm at the point to where I can hardly stand to be around him. He is convinced that (THEY) out to kill him. He is to the point to where he thinks everyone is out to get him and he can not see the damage that is being done. I'm so sick of him going off on me on a daily basis. I can't so much as question anything he says or he gets so mad he starts to scream me calling me selfish because I don't care there trying to kill him.
I know it's not right to be mad at him for it because you don't get mad at someone if the have the flu do you. They are sick it's not there fault they do not choose to be this way but im at the point the where I don't know how much more I can take.

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Mar 7

My mother has paranoid schizophrenia (diagnosed at 18, but the doctors think she's been suffering since 15) so everything you have said I have been there. I have known the "they/them" paranoia and been accused of conspiring with "them". "They" have never tried to kill her, but there is a huge list of other things "they" have wanted to do to her, the biggest fear is that "they" want to lock her up and never let her out. I have resented her, I have almost been physically violent with her when I couldn't take it anymore.

I have felt in danger too, when I was living my mum, I was starting to get paranoid myself that she would have a paranoid delusion that I was either out to hurt her or that she thought I was a stranger out to get her, that she would hurt me because she felt like she was defending herself. And I will reassure you that this never happened. Not everyone with a mental health disorder will actually become violent, and it may be that your husband is one of those.

I'm sorry to say this but it is likely that he will never see the damage he is doing, because in his mind (and I only get this from my experience, so I'm not saying this is correct) he is the victim and everyone else is to blame. Well, my mum has never been able to see the damage she causes when shes 'having an episode'.

Anxiety meds won't help him if he really does have schizophrenia and/or bipolar, he needs anti-psychotics and if he has been diagnosed then his doctor should have had him on these already. My mum did briliantly on Olanzapine but the side effects made her sleep nearly 18 hours a day. She has been on every med for her condition out there (according to her doctor anyway) but doesn't like them because of the side effects. She is currently on Quetiapine, but this one can affect the liver so she has to have regular blood tests to make sure her liver can handle the drug. She has also been on anti-depressants (Seroxat if I remember correctly) as well as her anti-psychotics.

Also, being on the anti-psychotics will help your husband get better. The voices will go, any audible and visual delusions will go etc. But he will still feel that what he is experiencing right now is reality, that experience will always feel real to him. He may always feel that there is nothing wrong with him as well. My mum, at nearly 60 now, having suffered from the condition for nearly 45 years, still doesn't believe that she is sick or that if she is sick then there is a cure. Whenever she does really well she believes she has been cured or was never sick in the first place, so she stops taking the meds. My point here is that once your husband gets the right treatment, as long as he keeps taking the meds as instructed, then he will be 'normal' (eurgh, sorry, I hate that word but its the easiest way to describe it)

I want to tell you something very very important, something that I have had to learn the hard way. It is ok to be mad, it is NOT selfish to be angry, it is normal, it is human, and it IS allowed. You are allowed to feel relief when he isn't home because you are allowed to have a break from it, you are allowed to do something for yourself, you are allowed to look after yourself and you are allowed to think about yourself. You may feel like you are angry with him, and in some respects you may be, but have you considered that your anger could be more about the situation than the person?

Don't give up on him yet and certainly don't give up on yourself. It can be good again, you can be happy with him again.

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MRS.DARK's picture
Mar 12

Thank you so much telling me it it's ok to be mad. As I read the rest I began to tear up I needed to know it was ok.
He has been diagnosed an has been given meds but he refused to take them. He was on them till January then he just stopped. IDK why but things had gotten so much better when he was on them. Now we are back at square one. You are right I am mad about the situation then I am at him. More so with the fact he will probably never understand the damage this illness has caused our relationship.
I really appreciate you sharing your experience with this illness with me. I feel like a lot of weight was lifted off me knowing I can still take care of my needs instead of putting them aside.

Mar 12

The getting better on the meds is definitely a good thing, it shows that they work as they are supposed to.

What I understand of schizophrenia (which may not be correct) is that it is actually a physical illness which causes symptoms in the form of mental illness (hallucinations, both auditory and visual, delusions, disorganised thoughts, inability to process some information, what a healthy person would characterise as detachment from reality etc. etc.).

I believe that I read somewhere that research shows that there are issues with brain chemistry and/or structure in those suffering from this illness. This means that electrical impulses between synapses are not working like they are supposed to, I think this is why these symptoms occur, basically information is not processed correctly.
For example, when we hear a noise the brain is processing this and we can recognise that we heard a sound and what it is or may be, where it came from etc, the information bounces all around the brain. In a person who experiences auditory hallucinations the brain is processing information that does not exist, the brain will work as if it heard the noise when in fact it didn't.

I think the meds work by helping to create the correct balance of brain chemistry which then helps the brain to process information like a healthy person would. But this balance is only sustained by the use of the meds, therefore when you take away the treatment the symptoms return, and they return very quickly. This is why the meds are not a 'cure', the effect is not permanent, and it will not be possible to find a cure until we (humans) understand the illness 100% if it is possible at all.

The issue is that when we take medication for illnesses (imagine a head cold, ear infection or something 'simple' like that) we start to feel better, when we feel better we stop taking the medicines because we don't experience symptoms anymore and therefore it is likely that the cause of the symptoms has been fixed. But if we treat mental illness treatment (which can only manage symptoms and not remove the cause) like we would a head cold or infection then we are exposing ourselves to the symptoms again.

My experience with my mother is that there is a cycle. It will be good for a while until she decides she doesn't need medication because she feels better, then it will be bad for a while until we are able to convince her to take the medication again. Whats horrible is that the effect of the medication wears off so quickly, but then when starting back up again they take a long time to take effect. So it gets bad within a matter of days or weeks but takes months to get good again.

I'm not going to lie, it is going to be hard, but don't forget to look after yourself as well. And I am always going to be here if you need to talk.

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