Today, I'm really having a problem trying to think hopeful t

Littlesis7's picture

Today, I'm really having a problem trying to think hopeful thoughts about staying married to the same person and dealing with the BS for decades. Financially and probably emotionally I would not be able to handle divorce. Our lives somewhat tangled and interwoven.
Anyone have advice about having a partner who is constantly trying to FIX my problems and issues? I mean god, all he had to for a short minute after a work day was..listen, VALIDATE that I was feeling something difficult and maybe just say -'oh, I HEAR that this is bothering you...that S*CKS.
And then I would have either nodded, thanked him for listening, maybe even figure out a way to LAUGH about said 'unsolvable' problem and it might even begin to FADE AWAY?!!
But no, this partner has to make me feel BAD for having feelings about said problems. Feel BAD for bringing them up, try to process them by verbally releasing them.
Then pushing super hard to tell me -you need to just do THIS...INTENSELY!!
Uh yeah, guess what...thanks for making me feel even WORSE about myself. So now, I have to add the stress of 'this is too stressful to share with my partner' to my lists of DO NOT DO...EVER AGAIN. WTH???
I know for some ppl this doesn't seem like "real problems". Like, just be happy you are with someone, etc...I made this choice so long ago barely comprehending what I was signing up for.
When you stop hoping together, you stop GROWING TOGETHER. PERIOD.
I am almost gone about having hope. Been to therapists...we didn't change.
You reach an age together and all the d*mn changes just make life unbearable...I did not sign up to have someone completely ignore me. We have grown kids together which keeps at least ONE thing in common otherwise we are very different personalities and it gets harder every day to try and connect.
G*d, if I could just fricken LAUGH about the same things for once. We all deserve to feel VALUED.
Is this too much to ask? Am I just supposed to say life s*cks, don't expect any more than THIS??!
Thank you ANYONE for your input.

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Littlesis7's picture
May 3

@kgmaxwell i guess the thing Ive longed to see, hear and feel again would just be simple, light exchanges about life in general together or of course about ALL the whole giant pile of memories we've been thru for decades...
He used to make me laugh a lot and me--him.
I like your idea of just focusing on positive thoughts about him, about us but my heart/ trust/ tank is basically empty. I'm tired of faking smiles and good attitude, not reacting to the neglect he's chosen to act out...because i'm only human myself.
I'm probably worried that he might be a full-blown narc and that is desperately scary tofind out.
It's most likely time for me to try to see a therapist on my own.
Thanks for your input.

May 4

@Littlesis The positive thoughts and feelings I'm referring to are about you and the things in your life that have made you feel good about you - not about him. It would be nice to also have consistent good feeling thoughts about him but that can only come after you're happy with you.

Your first responsibility is to take care of your happiness. I encourage you to focus on that. You deserve it and you can create it for yourself with consistent good feeling thoughts about you.

We have all been conditioned to expect happiness to come from our relationships. But we forget that we cannot love another unless we first love our self and we cannot be happy in our relationships unless we are first happy with ourselves.

Once you're happy with you, you can focus your attention on improving your relationship with him. He will either change for the better or he may decide to leave because he is not able to make that transition.

Either way you can still be happy. You can be content as a single person or you will be able to attract another relationship with someone who is happy with themselves. And as long as you each keep your happiness with yourself as your first responsibility, you will be very content in that relationship.

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15 hours ago

Jesus never gives up on us and we arn't to give up on Him. He is in control. Everything is in His timing and His way. He has a beautiful plan and purpose for each of our lives. Pray without ceasing. "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed." Romans 8:18 In other words, though this world causes us suffering and pain, one day soon God will show us so much healing and joy that all of our temporary trials here on earth will seem small in hindsight. "One Day" by Cochran and Co.


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