This is the 7th day I have not slept and eaten well. The man

This is the 7th day I have not slept and eaten well. The man who got me out of my shell shoved me back inside. We had been together for 5 years. I loved him more than my ex husband. I was with him through his ups and downs. I gave him EVERYTHING! I supported him - morally, financially, and all kinds of support one can think of. I trusted him. We are both mature people, professionals, and respected by our colleagues. We have established a name in our own field. I valued our relationship, respected it and made sure that I did not do anything that would compromise it. I ignored the advances of other men, turned down invitations, because I value fidelity. I wanted to remain faithful to him. I did not want him to hear anything that would hurt his feelings. Because we are professional adults, I was comfortable with the thought that our relationship is stable. Then the bomb dropped !He got back with his ex girlfriend who is almost half his age! I stepped back. He did not even apologize for what he did to me. I was waiting for him to say he was sorry and wishing that he would say we will try to settle things, but not a word! The pain is deep. Intense. At almost 50 years old, this is my first time to experience such an emotional pain that I do not know what to do. I am lost! I feel like my head is going to explode

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Feb 7

Really feel for you. It is very hurtful when people are so insensitive to others my wife of 7 years cheated for 6. I am having such a hard time more with the betrayal than the actual act so I get it. One thing I had to realize (after I breathed) was it was not my fault. Not saying I was perfect but a choice she made similar to your partner. Not your fault. So sorry you are going through this no one deserves this

Scat's picture
Feb 7

@chas188, yeah, happened to me too, with younger women. I felt so ugly after that and that no one would find me attractive. It takes a lot of healing to get past being rejected like that. You're right that it wasn't your fault at all.

Feb 22

@blue I’m sorry you have to go through this. It’s in a situation like this that we find out who our partner really is. You can’t change him but you can take positive steps to move forward slowly as you process what’s happened.

It’s natural as you deal with your feelings to focus first on what you didn’t want. You didn’t want his ex to be back in his life and you didn’t want him to “buy into that” or to leave without an apology or without asking to settle things. And you certainly don’t want all of the feelings you’re carrying right now.

However, it’s essential to go through all of those feelings including the sadness, disappointment, uncertainty, anger, betrayal and feelings of revenge. Some people avoid their stronger feelings but it’s absolutely essential to move through them. If you don’t, you’ll find they will come out in other ways later on and can affect any future relationships you may have. In other words, those negative feelings will prevent you from being free to move on comfortably with your life.

The second part of moving forward is to focus on what you do want. You certainly do want to feel content again as well as confident in yourself. The best way to do that once you’ve moved through the negative feelings about your relationship is to find good feeling thoughts consistently about you and others as well as the things you encounter in your professional life.

And every time you have a negative thought stop it immediately and shift to good feeling thoughts. They can be any good feeling thoughts from your past, present, or future. You will find as you do that you’ll gradually start to feel happy and peaceful inside. That happens because you will have connected to your Inner Being (you may know it as your Soul or Self) which is unconditional love and is there for you all of the time.

You also have a built in alert system called your Emotional Guidance System. It’s there to let you know any time you’re in alignment or out of alignment with your Inner Being. The way you will know that is you will feel uncomfortable in your body whenever you have negative feelings (out of alignment). And you will feel comfortable in your body when you have good feeling thoughts (in alignment). Your Guidance System is always there monitoring and alerting you during your waking hours.

The more you practice finding good feeling thoughts the happier and more peaceful you’ll feel. You will also eventually start giving off a different vibe. And that vibe will attract to you others who have good feelings about themselves. Those relationships will be very satisfying.

You will start to realize that your Inner Being is your best friend and is the source of your ongoing happiness. The bottom line is that any time you have a problem to solve be aware first of what you don’t want. And after you feel what you have to feel, let those feelings go and instead focus on what you do want.

What you do want is the domain of your Inner Being who is always there to help you find solutions to any problem you encounter. The source of your happiness, especially in relationships, was never meant to be found outside of you. That’s because you can never have control of how another feels or behaves.

However, you always have complete control over how you feel and behave and you have a beautiful inner resource, your Inner Being, that’s always there to help you any you need it. So nurture your relationship with your Inner Being. It will never be anything but unconditional love for you. Hugs

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