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So I've had this sort of friend with benefits relationship w

[140]

So I've had this sort of friend with benefits relationship with a guy for the last couple of months now, but we have known each other for years and there has always been flirting and a sexual tension between us. This week he told me that he has started talking to another girl and that he wants to see where that goes. I didn't expect this news to hit me so hard. I hadn't realized how much my feelings have been growing over the years. I am devastated that our thing is now officially coming to an end. I guess what I am trying to find out is how to get myself through this. How do you even get over someone you were never in a relationship with? Why didn't he also develop feelings over the last couple of years like I did? What does this new girl have that I don't? Any advice helps, I am really struggling right now.

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ifonlyinew's picture
[13360]
Oct 12

@APOR2017 I do understand that men can be like the way you describe...need/want when it comes to sex but we are not all like that...in fact there are some men in the world who also need sex to be deep & connecting & who will not have sex without at least the thought that it could form later...& i could also say that there are some women who are not looking for love but just want sex to be casual without any emotional connection.

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[3685]
Oct 12

@Wes74 Hey this may come as a huge surprise to you but you are NOT a good man and you do not speak for good men. Most people have consensual, enjoyable sex outside of relationships. The fact that you think of women are only "used" in these situations is gross. We are not men's masturbatory tools, we choose to have interactions that have shared and independent value. In any case, those of us who actually value our serious and casual partners as being human beings with normal sexual desires and histories thank you for removing yourself from our dating pool. None of us want a man who goes around calling women "cheap," as though he has any standing to judge the value of another person.

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ifonlyinew's picture
[13360]
Oct 12

@Endure....& i quote...."that's what the site is for: perspective; experience; identification; affirmation: knowledge ; compassion; an understanding heart; opinions And advice! Of course people come here for advice, people come here for answers, and some just to vent"........YET....no mention of the word support...maybe this site should change it's name to AG...advise given whether you want it or not...& as far as underlying meanings i think you have that down pat....i did however go to the site...Bigwordstoconfuseandprovemyhighintelligence.com....thanks for that but really i think i will just stick to words that mean something more than look at my huge vocabulary...words like 'support'...just supporting someone without the need to tell them ALL about my painful experience or telling them what i did or advising them on what i think they should do...you know...be a good listener...not pushing my experience in front of me like a wheelbarrow full of hurt...oh &...i mean you no harm, take care, be well.

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