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Several months ago, I wrote here about issues with my lifelo

Several months ago, I wrote here about issues with my lifelong best friend. She had become quite controlling in our friendship and was blaming me for not being supportive in our friendship. As a result, she had told me a few times that she needed time alone etc.,. This was all very stressful for me, as I didn't feel that I had been a source of the difficulties and yet I wanted to support her. Our friendship has limped along for the last two years, with her sometimes stating that I haven't been supportive and her blaming me for the problems. I have been careful with her, watching what I've said and this has become draining. Recently on a Friday, I had spoken to my friend a couple of times about something that she was facing. We talked about solving the problem, and I thought that things were temporarily resolved. I went away early the next morning and later that afternoon, I called her to check on her. She didn't pick up the phone that day or the next and on the third day she did, but she was angry with me for not having called her on the Friday night when she said that she had needed me. She told me that she couldn't call me because she didn't have the energy. I spoke to a counselor about this and the counselor told me to speak to my friend about my concerns which I did. I don't regret doing that. The risk I took was that my friend would pull away from the friendship which she has done-stating she doesn't want to be part of this toxic cycle. She said that she is going to work on her issues but after a lifetime of knowing her, I don't necessarily believe this, instead feeling that her anger won't die and she will permanently end the friendship, which I have no control over. I don't regret saying my concerns about the friendship. I felt that if I didn't, I was just continuing to allow her to control me in terms of blaming etc.,. I just regret that doing this, may have been the catalyst to end the friendship entirely. That's where I feel the anxiety. Thank you.

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NevaMae99's picture
[1210]
Sep 13

@Sarahadd Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry! Hugs.

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[380]
Sep 14

Thank you so much NevaMae99.

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[380]
Sep 16

Update-My friend sent me an e-mail last night, saying that she is going through an awful lot of stress right now and she feels saddened that the past 2 years have been difficult for me with dealing with her feelings of lack of support for me and my resulting anxiety from the situation. She's told me that her therapist feels that we both need to work on this, but right now she only has the energy to focus on the other issues in her life and that if I want to send an occasional e-mail that is okay with her. I must admit that just seeing her name in the e-mail this morning, sent my anxiety up. She said that she has focused on her other stresses with her therapist and not me at this point in time. She mentions again in the note, feeling that she hasn't had support from me, and that my resulting anxiety is a problem. I have suggested that we visit her counselor together, but if anything I feel that as she has become more insecure in our relationship, she has tried to control me more and I have backed off in order to protect myself. I don't feel that she is acknowledging this, other than my "anxiety" as a result of her need for support. I have suggested that we both meet with her therapist to suggest some methods of dealing with each other. In the current state, I think we will just head down that same rabbit hole.

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