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My Husband and I have been married coming up on 6 years. F

My Husband and I have been married coming up on 6 years.
For some back history...

When i was about 4 months pregnant with our son. 3 months before our wedding i was using his phone for something that i can even remeber now. While i was using it messages started coming in from another woman. Ao naturally i clicked on it. And it basically came out that he was having an emotional relationship with her. And a man. He admitted everything to me and basically said he was having thoughts about men but her was just curious and that was it. So i had my "moment". We talked it through and i decided to get over it. He promised to answer an any and all qyestions a i had aboit his curiosities and we would work on it from there. That was end of 2013.

I got pregnant with out second child in sept of 2017. And in between that time i happened on another couple of messages to men or older women. Had our blow up and then decided to get over it. At one point i decided to tell him to try whatever he needed to try with a man so he could work this through. I thought i would be able to handle it if he tried it and decided it was not for him and got it out of him mind. With the condidtion of course that i was kept in the loop about most everything. When i was about 3 months pregnant with our second i happened on to the information that he had already (without telling me anything) tried what he wanted to try with a man and didnt like it. Even though i thought i could handle it i couldnt and i broke down. But decided since he didnt like it i would once again get over it. At the beginning of the year we had an opportunity to move to a new state and even though i know he didnt want to move that far i was too excited about it. But Ultimately i left the decision up to him. So we moved and i though most everything was good.

But he hates it here. Well i ***ume he does. But he will not open up to me about anything serious. He barely talks to me much . Unless he wants sex. But even still thats not as much as it used to be because he has become addicted to porn. Well today he forgot his phone at home when he went to work and my curiosity and his history got the better of me....

I found: cougar dating apps and gay dating apps that he thought he deleted but not very well and a m***ive amount saved porn pictures and badly deleted porn sites. On top of a secret Twitter account and sketchy facebook messages. And as much as i thought i would be crushed. I am only a little. Mostly im just tired of it. Its so hard to sort out what i want for me and the kids at this point in time. But as horrible *** it sounds the reason im most scared of leaving him is i know i wont be able to afford a life for me and the kids on my own. We will have no financial stability

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Emmymomof2's picture
[95]
Oct 10

Pretty much. I know i dont want to go through this again. And i know he wont change. But right now i am a stay at home mom with no means to provide for my children. And as much as i want to hate him i cant. Leaving right now wont be beneficial to either one of us. I cant just up and leave him in a bind like that. But i am definitely unsure of how all of this will play out

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[445]
Oct 10

This breaks my heart. I imagine you feel so incredibly lonely. I think it’s interesting what you said - that “you can’t just up and leave him in a bind like that”. Well isn’t that exactly what he has done to you? And not just once. He has up and left you in an emotional bind. He has not been the reliable trustworthy partner that he should have been. But like all good women, you are there for him when he needs you or decides he wants you. It’s a sick cycle of survival and suppression. You don’t think you can survive without him , so you put your emotional health on the line and stay put in a disgusting and disrespectful relationship giving him the comfort of a home and woman to come home to after he has had his fun. If you can please put yourself and your kids first and breakthrough to a better life. Cherish yourself. You deserve better.

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Bloodstone2020's picture
[1330]
Oct 10

Emmy, I also believe you do deserve better and that you are very grounded and wise in all your considerations. Navigating through the next months to couple of years will be difficult. I hope you continue to calmly and rationally plan and get the support you need along the way. It will be impossible for you not to come out of this a much stronger and wiser person. Peace

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