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My boyfriend tells me I'm amazing and I'm amazing to him. Wh

My boyfriend tells me I'm amazing and I'm amazing to him. When he eventually messages after 2 days he tells me he's thinking of me, he misses me and that he loves me. So he said I'm amazing and he doesn't know why I'm with him and that he doesn't deserve me. I'm beginning to think just that. It's depressing and humiliating to try get hold of him and he doesn't reply, answer or return my call. It's become humiliating to go out with friends and he's not there when he was meant to be. I make up excuses for him all the time.

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[380]
Feb 21

Relationships can be difficult sometimes, especially when both people are not on the same page. have you told him how these things make you feel? it is very important to be open and honest in your relationship. I hope everything gets better.

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[115]
Mar 2

@SuZQ154 Hi so sorry for only replying now. The last 2 weeks have been up and down. I googled the book and did this questionnaire. My main problem with him that I have is what's truth and what's lies? I'm not sure what to be believe anymore. the loved, valued and respected part...sometimes I feel that way and then I don't.

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[115]
Mar 2

Sorry my laptop is not cooperating.
We have spoken or rather I spoke to him. He said that I keep bringing up the same stuff. I told him these things keep coming up because they're problems. I asked how could he on Christmas - his birthday, go to a friend's house and turn off his phone. On his birthday when we had been making plans for the day. Then New Years Eve he ill and was on medication and he couldn't go out. So I said I'd visit him for an hr or so and then I'd go to my friend's party. It didn't happen.
2 weekends ago he was in such an irritable mood I just kept quiet in the car because he was fighting with his phone. Always on the phone. He told me not to take it personally and I told him I'm taking in very personally because he's angry with his phone and getting angry with me. He blew his top, walked out the room , swore and slammed the door. I wrote him a note telling him not to talk to me like that and slam the door. He messaged me if I want to fight then I must just go on that way. And then said we work together on weekends, we get paid the same amount but he does ALL the work. I told him he'll have to find his way back home because I'm leaving for the day seeming he does all the work. And I left. I think he got the biggest shock of his life.
But just because that happened and he did apologise later that day to me and I told him he can't be like this towards me...things haven't changed much.
Last week we were supposed to go out but his grand mother was found unconscious in the house so she was taken to hospital.
Last night we were supposed to go out but he was on call so just as I was stepping out the house he got a call that he had to go to work. Since last night I have not heard from him.
I sent him a message that he's a ghost. He's here and then he's not. Mostly not.
We see each other twice a week. I can't remember when last we've sat down and had dinner together. We haven't gone out dancing in so long. We don't spend quality time together.
And whole of February we have not slept together.
I'm struggling because since the company I worked for went bankrupt, I was retrenched and I've been struggling to find employment. I do have my own fashion design company but it's not generating enough income to cover my bills. I've been unemployed for almost 2 years. I've applied to so many jobs it's disheartening to keep applying. Sometimes i just lay in bed and my mind is just blank.
I've had to cut people out of my life because I don't have the time and energy to have to deal with "who's the better friend".
On top of all this I have to deal with him. Or I don't because i haven't heard from him.

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