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My boyfriend just broke up with me. It hurts like hell. We w

My boyfriend just broke up with me. It hurts like hell. We were together for 3 years and spoke about having a life together. But to be honest our relationship started to get toxic verbally and emotionally. He lost trust in me because of my words. I felt alone and like I couldn't Express myself. I feared to express myself in case he said I was too sensitive or overreacting etc. I'm so regretful that it ended like the way it did. So quickly. I'm trying not to think of all the plans I had that I wanted to do so soon. All the good things. I just want to get over this break up and I know I'll take time.
It's over.

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Griz75's picture
[42205]
Jun 30

sorry to hear about the break up. take some time for you. do what you want, when you want and have some fun.

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NevaMae99's picture
[5195]
Jul 1

Aww, I'm so sorry. Breakups are the absolute worst! I have a really hard time with them as well and it's hard not to think of it 24 hours a day. I remember I used to wonder if there was ever a day when I wouldn't think about it. That day did eventually come. It will for you as well, but it's not an overnight thing, sadly.

My last boyfriend and I broke up in a bad and hurtful way as well. We were actually on vacation having a really good time when I found some very bad things on his phone and he flipped out on me as if I was the one in the wrong. We had a decent relationship until then but I knew it wasn't one that would last forever. But I fell in love with him and just kept going because I didn't like the thought of being without him. It was seriously like we were out having a good time and an hour later, he was booking a flight to fly home by himself. It was a whirlwind for sure and absolutely devastating.

After the dust settled a bit, we did start to talk again and he apologized for the way he acted and I believe he meant it. He wanted to get back together and it was REALLY hard to say no because I loved him so much and I really did want to be with him. But I knew there were underlying things and he was not what my friend would call "God's best" for me. I knew that if we got back together, it would be great for a little bit but those things would still be there and it would end in heartbreak all over again eventually. I knew how much it hurt from that breakup and I knew if wasn't something I wanted to feel again. So I had to be strong and stand my ground. And I eventually had to cut off all communication with him because it was just way too hard. I wanted him and I knew it wasn't right so I was just torturing myself. I even blocked his number from my phone because I knew how tempted I would be if he texted me. That was a hard move. But a necessary one.

I read a book during that time by Henry Cloud called Never Go Back and one of the things he talked about never going back to was... never go back to choosing short term comfort over long term benefit.

You're right. It will take time. I would recommend using that time intentionally. That's what I had to do. I created a playlist of songs that comforted me. I wrote out little quotes and Bible verses that spoke truth to my heart and put them all around my house so that I would see them when I went into any room. I blocked him on my phone, like I mentioned above. I came up with a little phrase that I would say to myself when I started to think about him. Mine was "set your mind on things above." I recommend choosing something that is meaningful and doesn't have to do with him. I spent time with friends. I journaled. I prayed. I intentionally didn't stalk him on social media to see what he was doing. These intentional things help.

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[8195]
Jul 1

Hey red.butterfly, glad you are here to get some support during this tough time. Three years is a long time to be invested in a relationship and so of course it is heart-breaking to have it end. If you recognize that there were some unhealthy issues forming, hopefully you can get to a place where you know it was for the better to have it end. You are right though, it does take time to get to that place. If you are able, it might be a good idea to talk with a counselor about this relationship so you can figure out how to avoid the same type of potentially unhealthy scenario happening again. Unfortunately we are all kind of prone to that unless we do some personal emotional growth. Is that something you might consider doing?

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