NEW
NEW
NEW!!!!!!!
We didn't see that coming!!!
https://www.supportgroups.com/blog/we-didnt-see-that-coming

ARE YOU FOLLOWING US ON IG, YOU SHOULD!!!
instagram.com/supportgroupsforeveryone

I've been with my boyfriend for three years now. Over the pa

I've been with my boyfriend for three years now. Over the past three years, I have put on some weight; nursing school, constantly working, never having time for myself. Throughout our relationship, he has ALWAYS made small comments on me losing weight, how I should go to the gym and be more active. I do agree that I need to lose weight, but his reason for me losing weight is not health-related. His reasonings for me losing weight is to look good in pictures and look good when we go out. In the last few months, his comments have been getting to me and have been driving a wedge between us. We planned a trip at the end of May and last night he told me he will always love me, but don't get mad at him if he no longer finds me sexually attractive. He said since he is in shape, he doesn't want a "fat" girlfriend... yes he used the word fat to describe me. This is not the first time he has said this, but this time felt different when he said it. He said when we go on vacation, he doesn't want to take pictures with a beached whale and he wants me to look cute and dress nicely for him. He then proceeded to taunt me by cynically shaking a bag of potato chips and asking if he wanted to make me a bowl. At this point, I couldn't hold my tears back. Mind you, I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember (which doesn't help with the weight loss). I recently started taking antidepressants and I am trying to fit in a therapy session once a week. Being a night shift nurse, it's hard for me to function during the day time. He's never (throughout our entire relationship) taken the time to understand my depression, anxiety and emotional eating. He thinks its all a hoax and if someone wants to lose weight they can just do it. We also just moved in together two weeks ago and I basically have been supporting him for 6 months because he's been in and out of jobs (common pattern for him). He hasn't been able to hold a job long. Since we've been dating he's had 7 different jobs. He hasn't contributed 1 dime to this apartment or anything inside the apartment. He just started a new job a week ago and is in debt with a few things, so contributing to this apartment is not a priority for him, yet. There are personal reasons as to why I had to leave my home and find a place to live in. I couldn't wait for him to save money (he hasn't saved ANYTHING in the three years we've been together). So I made the jump on my own time and I don't regret it one bit. I told him that I didn't want him to move in until he could pay half the rent and utilities. But he insisted otherwise and his mother did as well. Before we moved, she changed his bedroom around and took the bed out of the room! Basically leaving him no other option to move out with me. She's another toxic one I don't want to be around. Basically, I have felt like I am at a dead-end for a while now and there is no hope for this relationship. I feel stuck in this relationship because of his controlling cyclic behavior. He'll say horrific things to me, we won't talk for a few hours and then he'll act loving and caring. Weeks will go by and it'll happen again. Has anyone ever dealt with verbal abuse like this? I have always felt not good enough for him, and when I tell him he makes me feel like this his response is "Well, do something about it." I want to lose weight on my own terms and time. I know it will eventually happen, but right now I am focusing on work and going back to school to get my NP degree, paying loans off, paying this new apartment... living life basically. He has chipped away at every ounce of self-esteem I had, I feel completely worthless and no longer happy in this relationship. He is so small-minded it is impossible to have an adult conversation with him. I am scared of what he will do if I tell him to move out. He's told me we are never going to break up, if you break up with me I would kill myself... I am so stuck and lost. Please, someone, help me with advice

show more ⇓
Comment
 10
View 7 More Comments
[41070]
Mar 26

@Ruthromortiz I have to agree, time to get out. telling someone to lose weight for health reasons is one thing, but to look good in a photo? And he expects you to financially support him? Time to move on. It will make your life better, and hopefully it will open up his eyes.

Reply
Rdan's picture
[9530]
Mar 26

His mom moved him out cause she was done with him. She did this selfishly at your expense with no consideration what it would do to you. If his own mother doesn't want him - what does that tell you. Further a man is an initiator - he gets up and finds work - I put in thirty applications in person looking for a job when I was 19 years old till I found one. I married my wife after 4 months of knowing her; she was the "one". You have done much for yourself - and you have a lot to be proud of. I'm proud of you hearing what you are doing and the goals you are accomplishing. If you were one of my daughters I would be sooooooo proud of you. The weight comes and goes - it is an outward indication of how much you have sacrificed. And you have sacrificed much. You are a lady of guts, tenacity and you have a future. He's only been there three weeks! Get him out. You can do better. You will do better. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One of the loveliest ladies in the planet was one of my teachers. An older black woma with a full head of whit hair and about 300 lbs. Beauty comes from within. You chose a career as a nurse. I venture you are caring and compassionate. I would love you as a friend, a daughter and someone wants you as a wife. Be free when that special someone comes along. Hugs and loves my sister!!!!

show more ⇓
Reply
yogi_33's picture
[975]
Mar 26

Thank you all for your support and amazing advice! This is a hard process to go through. But, I know what ultimately has to be done. I appreciate everyone talking to me. Sometimes, you become blinded by "love" and you need others on the outside to point it out to you <3 THANK YOU!!

Reply

Login or Register

You are visiting Support Groups as an anonymous user.

Please consider joining our community and gain access to additional features by

registering or logging into your account