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I've been with my boyfriend for three years now. Over the pa

I've been with my boyfriend for three years now. Over the past three years, I have put on some weight; nursing school, constantly working, never having time for myself. Throughout our relationship, he has ALWAYS made small comments on me losing weight, how I should go to the gym and be more active. I do agree that I need to lose weight, but his reason for me losing weight is not health-related. His reasonings for me losing weight is to look good in pictures and look good when we go out. In the last few months, his comments have been getting to me and have been driving a wedge between us. We planned a trip at the end of May and last night he told me he will always love me, but don't get mad at him if he no longer finds me sexually attractive. He said since he is in shape, he doesn't want a "fat" girlfriend... yes he used the word fat to describe me. This is not the first time he has said this, but this time felt different when he said it. He said when we go on vacation, he doesn't want to take pictures with a beached whale and he wants me to look cute and dress nicely for him. He then proceeded to taunt me by cynically shaking a bag of potato chips and asking if he wanted to make me a bowl. At this point, I couldn't hold my tears back. Mind you, I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember (which doesn't help with the weight loss). I recently started taking antidepressants and I am trying to fit in a therapy session once a week. Being a night shift nurse, it's hard for me to function during the day time. He's never (throughout our entire relationship) taken the time to understand my depression, anxiety and emotional eating. He thinks its all a hoax and if someone wants to lose weight they can just do it. We also just moved in together two weeks ago and I basically have been supporting him for 6 months because he's been in and out of jobs (common pattern for him). He hasn't been able to hold a job long. Since we've been dating he's had 7 different jobs. He hasn't contributed 1 dime to this apartment or anything inside the apartment. He just started a new job a week ago and is in debt with a few things, so contributing to this apartment is not a priority for him, yet. There are personal reasons as to why I had to leave my home and find a place to live in. I couldn't wait for him to save money (he hasn't saved ANYTHING in the three years we've been together). So I made the jump on my own time and I don't regret it one bit. I told him that I didn't want him to move in until he could pay half the rent and utilities. But he insisted otherwise and his mother did as well. Before we moved, she changed his bedroom around and took the bed out of the room! Basically leaving him no other option to move out with me. She's another toxic one I don't want to be around. Basically, I have felt like I am at a dead-end for a while now and there is no hope for this relationship. I feel stuck in this relationship because of his controlling cyclic behavior. He'll say horrific things to me, we won't talk for a few hours and then he'll act loving and caring. Weeks will go by and it'll happen again. Has anyone ever dealt with verbal abuse like this? I have always felt not good enough for him, and when I tell him he makes me feel like this his response is "Well, do something about it." I want to lose weight on my own terms and time. I know it will eventually happen, but right now I am focusing on work and going back to school to get my NP degree, paying loans off, paying this new apartment... living life basically. He has chipped away at every ounce of self-esteem I had, I feel completely worthless and no longer happy in this relationship. He is so small-minded it is impossible to have an adult conversation with him. I am scared of what he will do if I tell him to move out. He's told me we are never going to break up, if you break up with me I would kill myself... I am so stuck and lost. Please, someone, help me with advice

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yogi_33's picture
Mar 26

Thank you all for your support and amazing advice! This is a hard process to go through. But, I know what ultimately has to be done. I appreciate everyone talking to me. Sometimes, you become blinded by "love" and you need others on the outside to point it out to you <3 THANK YOU!!

Apr 4

How are you feeling ? Any progress ?

yogi_33's picture
Apr 6

@Ruthromortiz thank you for checking in! It's been hard for me; pretending everything is ok even though in the back of my mind I know it's not. I am going to schedule therapy/cognitive behavioral sessions. This toxicity runs in my family and has been a pattern (evident as to why I picked up on this behavior). This is some deep-rooted issue that I need to finally face so I can have a healthy life mentally and physically


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