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Its been 15 months since my breakup. We were together for ov

archaicinsane's picture

Its been 15 months since my breakup. We were together for over 8 years, we have never had a breakup prior to this one and were never on again off again. We always got along great and were not a couple to fight so there really arent a lot of memories to be hostile about. I still dont know why he one day walked out of my life and never looked back. It eats at me everyday. I never stopped loving him, and think about him everyday. So many people told me that after this long when a year+ had passed it wouldnt even matter anymore but to me, it does. It still hurts like the day it happened. We dont really talk, we are no longer connected on social media and we dont have any face to face contact. Once in a while i will get a text which almost always is the same thing with something along the lines of "sorry i havent talked to you in a while, work is crazy. Have a good day" and i usually try to be casual and friendly with a breif message back, although a couple times i have voiced to him that while i apprciate his texts, i am frustrated at the lack of true communication between us. Either way i wont hear back from him from anywhere of a week to 3 weeks where it will just be a recycle of this same pattern. Internally, it drives me crazy. That he cant truly apologize, face me or that every interaction since that moment we broke up with no odd behavior leading up to that to indicate something was wrong, he has had a complete change in behavior that i have no explanation for. The best way that i can explain it is that one day i came home and he had a diffrent personality than the prior 9 years i had known him. But 1 year and 3 months after all this i still die inside everyday. Trying to sleep is like a replay in my head and looking back and thinking through everything, i truly feel that i still love him and if given the chance, would like to work through all the challenges and have the discussion about what happened. But nothing really seems to go anywhere. I feel stuck and i want to be a success story. I have been holding a lot of this in and this evening i finally had to get it out and try to release some of this frustration, so here i am again.

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Scat's picture
May 23

Honestly, to me it sounds like you're stuck because how you never had any definite closure. So I'm thinking if he just changed over night that way, there is probably something he was hiding. Either he was going through some sort of mental crisis; maybe using drugs? or perhaps found someone new? Is it possible he realized he likes men? Could it be he was a narcissist (NPD). I mean there has to be a logical explanation. It's natural you'd feel no closure with his sudden abandonment and no explanation from him. In this case it seems you have to give yourself some closure. So I had to give myself closure in various relationships too. One way would be write him a letter you'll never send. I did that last night in a three pages long poem and cried my heart out for about an hour. Another way is to do something new for you that you enjoy to get your mind off of him and back onto hope for the future. I did that by planning some dreams for myself and working on my art and poetry again. I'm also putting together a new book and working on my writing career more in general. If writing the letter you'll never send doesn't help maybe consider counseling. Did you think about that option for yourself? I had to go to counseling when I left my ex husband because I was with him all the way from age 14 until I was 30, a huge chunk of my life. My daughter had to do the same because she was with her boy friend all the way from her senior year in high school until she was in her 30s. It's also possible you won't get over him until you find another love. My daughter did that. She met a man in college and now she's getting married and is over her high school sweet heart.

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