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In an unfulfilled marriage. I’m not unhappy, I’m comfort

In an unfulfilled marriage. I’m not unhappy, I’m comfortable. However, I think I found someone that I could be happy with. I’m conflicted for many different reasons. My spouse has left me a few different times, via email, text message, or just moved when I was out of town. We don’t have any drug, alcohol, violence issues. Our relationship is pretty boring. We will have been together 8/7 for 13 years. We are not sexually active. Last time she moved out I decided to move to another state. Right before I left she asked me if I wanted her to go with me. I said yes! We have been in the other state now for a little over a year. Before we didn’t have anything joint. I made sure this time we did. I wanted to make sure she couldn’t put her stuff in a bag and leave again. Everything had always been mine. She always made very little money. Not motivated about a career at all and she was 45and got her 1st good job 9 months ago. Now she is doing REALLY well financially. Which is a big switch in our relationship. It’s very refreshing! I have always taken care of everything. Bills, cooking, dogs, and pretty much everything except for the laundry. Now, I transfer all of her money except $200 of her check to my account and take care of everything. If she needs more I transfer it back. Since COVID she hasn’t needed much. So all the money stays in my account. I put all the money down on the house. We are using both of our income to pay off the credit card that we bought all the items we had to by for our new home. We needed everything because I sold everything in my home before I moved. So it was a good chunk of money.
Having said all that, I’m not sure I want to be in this relationship. She is a good lady and deserves to be happy. I don’t know if I want to stay with things the way they are. One of the conditions of her coming with me was that she and we go to counseling. Been here over a year and nothing. I have mentioned it several times. She keeps making excuses.
I’m co-dependent and I don’t want to keep trying to fix her. Which is why she always left. I always nagged about her having no expectations. I mean NONE. I guess that’s good for some people. I have gotten used to it and settled. I have always pushed her to be a better person. Encouraged her to be the best person she can be. Now I may have the opportunity to have what I have been wanting out of a partner. What do I do?
I am regretting comingling everything and don’t know how to undo what I’ve done. How do I create an exit strategy? How do I know if I want to stay?

This may be all over the place. Let me know if you have any advise?

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Aug 8

That was very good advise. Thank you!!

Aug 8

I'm a big believer in trying to work things out in marriage especially if there hasn't been any infidelity. It sounds like you're not getting what you need in this relationship and you've gotten way too comfortable. You need to have a serious talk to your wife of what you need and what that looks like, especially the sex piece which is important for a healthy marriage. And make sure she's not doing it with some other guy. I think it would be good for you to start focusing on what makes you happy. Try to make some more friends and focus more on your happiness.

Aug 8

@hangingon4u @kgmaxwell This new lady you met will have some flaws and how well do you know her? The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Be sure this is what you really want because after you make the decision you can't go back. And divorce can be very painful and a headache. I don't think you know exactly the extent to what you're about to go through if you choose this route. Are there any kids involved?


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