I'm in this toxic relationship where my gf refuses to break

I'm in this toxic relationship where my gf refuses to break up with me no matter what I do. In 2019 I sacrificed my time, work, energy and resources to try and help her graduate. Then in 2020 she got an allergy at my house and blamed me for it, so I took care of her during the Covid lockdown and my family got extremely stressed as well which made her even more stressed. Since then she's been staying at her relatives or in student housing but keeps calling me for help.
The kicker? She keeps telling me that what I did in the past to help her actually hurt her more, and she makes sure to tell me in excruciating repetitive detail what I've done wrong. So I concluded that we're incompatible and decided to break up because if everything I do is as useless as ashes then I don't want to do anything any more.
But she doesn't want to break up because she's too attached to me. Blocking her makes her reach out to me even more via social media, threatening to contact my family or friends, or coming over to find me in person. So today I went crazy and began scolding her and attacking her verbally to make the relationship unpalatable. Otherwise I might have to check myself into a mental hospital just to escape her pursuit.

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jane.doe's picture
Apr 7

I am so sorry that is happening to you. It sounds like she's quite insecure and does rely on you. The way she is treating you is inappropriate. It's possible couple's counseling could help so she could learn how to properly treat you. It's healthy to draw boundaries (I'm still learning how to do this myself). Another option could be breaking up and possibly a restraining order?! I don't know all the logistics on that. For her to be treating you that way, she sounds like she's projecting her struggles and insecurities on you and she may need counseling herself. I'm so sorry you're being treated that way. Wishing you the best through this!

Apr 8

@DrTNT WOW! That’s hard to take. You did the right thing helping her through school and with Covid. Her rants about you not helping her are inappropriate. She is responsible for her health and well-being – not you.

She is very insecure and her mindset is to put others down to try and build herself up. However her putdowns do not bring any lasting relief. That’s why she keeps coming back with even more outrageous accusations. She needs professional help and without that help will continue to behave the way she is now.

Block her in every way possible. You can let her know that if she keeps coming to the house you will take out a restraining order against her. As an alternative, if you or your parents own the house, you can let her know you will call the police to let them know there is a trespasser on your property that you want removed.

Tell your friends or relatives that you are in the process of breaking up and she may try to contact them. Their best approach is to hang up on her. I wouldn’t say too much about what is going on because others will magnify what you say and it will become distorted.

You deserve to be in a relationship that is mutually loving and supportive. Your girlfriend is a long way from that and is not likely to change unless she is prepared to get appropriate help. Stay strong and make sure your message to her about staying away is very clear.

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andine's picture
Apr 11

I agree with seeking legal intervention. Your gf seems to have a serious problem which you are not responsible for. Local abuse agencies may give you some practical and legal advice.


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