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I would like some opinions. My wife and I have been together

Sdiamond1026's picture
[29795]

I would like some opinions. My wife and I have been together for almost 26 yrs, married 18. She had 2 affairs 3 yrs ago. One lasted 2 years. Prior to this, she has told me she was confused and didn’t know what she wanted and wasn’t sure she loved me and stuff like that. We went to counseling and I thought things were getting better. She pretended things were as she was into her cheating. Since, she has told me that she loves me but isn’t in love and is confused. When I’ve threatened to leave, she says we’ve been together a long time and that’s what happens when people are together that long, they become like friends. She says she wants to be with me but I need to accept that this is what happens and deal with it. She doesn’t show me much affection or love. She tells me she has friends and even her mother feels the same way about her boyfriend. I understand that butterflies are long gone but I still love her and show her love and affection. Or at least try but it’s hard when I’m the only one. The other night she hugged me and said she does love me and wants us to work. I said but you aren’t in love with me. She said sometimes I think I am. I pay all the bills and she has an easy life that she doesn’t want to lose. So, I don’t know if she is here just for that or if she really wants to be here for me. How can she is she doesn’t feel it for me romantically. So what’s supposed to happen when this happens? When you’ve been together for years and one person doesn’t feel it as much for the other? Is that when you are supposed to divorce? Or it is normal to “deal with it” like she says? I want to feel loved and I don’t. Am I supposed to just accept this happens and make the best of it and maybe she’ll throw me a little love here and there? I believe she cheated because she felt this way. She swears she will never cheat again and I believe her. Last week I spoke about leaving and told her I couldn’t live in a loveless marriage. The next day she greeted me with a hug and kiss and has everyday since. Is she changing a little to keep me from leaving? Or should I be happy that she is putting in some effort even though it may be forced?

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Dixieblonde16's picture
[80]
May 19

@Sdiamond1026 I read your post and I will tell you this... In a relationship or marriage a friendship will grow but so will the closeness. If she isnt in love with you anymore but is all kissy kissy huggy huggy when you talk about leaving then she is putting on a show to keep you. She dont want to loose her support and financial security. She is used to a certain life style and dobt want to have to take care of herself. Im in the middle of a divorce right now because my ex found a better source of income and didnt need me or my money anymore and left me for someone who he has cheated on me with. Cheating isnt "normal" when you are with them for years and you should never have to just "deal with it". A relationship and marriage is hard work but ill tell you this when there is love even after years you should be getting closer and yea a friendship will grow but so will the love and the relationship. When that is no longer the case its best to cut ties before you invest more time and effort if you've given it a shot and she keeps cheating. This isnt normal. Dont just live with it.

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[200]
May 19

@Sdiamond1026
The attention she is giving you is fake!! And no, you did not mention that she has depression and possibly bipolar. Well, that alone says it all. I deeply care for anyone that suffers from anything like that. I myself was a sufferer of depression for many years. But when I finally found the right medication, I no longer suffer from it. It's all trial and error. She needs to learn to love herself before she can even be able to show any REAL love towards you. You are in a tough spot if I may be honest. If you choose to stay then you're robbing yourself from a more happier life. But, on the other hand, if you choose to leave, be prepared for the guilt trips from her. She WILL play the victim role!! You're only going to be able to take so much though. You're human too,,,you should want to be treated with respect and not just keep being played for a fool. I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh but if you really think about it, that's what she is doing.

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Sdiamond1026's picture
[29795]
May 19

@brookey123
Yes, I agree, I’m taking it day by day and watching her behavior closely. I don’t trust her and this is probably out of desperation.

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