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NEW LIFE HACK IS UP!
NEW LIFE HACK IS UP!
NEW LIFE HACK IS UP!
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I just don't know what to think anymore. I married my wife a

I just don't know what to think anymore. I married my wife a little over a year ago. Prior to that, we were together for almost 3 years. I have 2 kids, both teenagers, from a previous marriage, and they have nothing to do with their father. My wife suffers from some major mental health issues, all of which I have known about from the beginning. Lately, though, she is so negative about everything, and it is really causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. I have a full time job. I miss work sometimes because I am just so mentally exhausted. She was working when we started dating, but is no longer able to work due to her issues. She currently has a pending appeal for social security benefits. I know that she is struggling a lot right now, and I don't have expectations from her of a super clean house or having meals prepared or anything like that. I do rely on her for one thing, since I am at work, and that is to transport the kids to and from school. Every day she complains heartily about having to take the kids to school and about how she hates her life and about how she hates having the responsibility of caring for the kids. I know that she loves the kids, and they love her. I know that it is her mental illness speaking when she complains so much. She is actually a very loving, nurturing, funny woman, and that is what drew me to her in the first place. I am beyond burned out. Working when I can, handling the business/financial aspect of running a home, being responsible for meals around 75% of the time, and feeling like I need to walk on eggshells or be super positive about things to prevent a meltdown from her. I am considering switching up my work schedule so that I can fit in transporting the kids myself just so that I don't have to hear the complaining anymore. I never get alone time. When I do get to shop or go get my nails done, I get comments about how it is taking forever and why is it taking so long? When I sleep in late on a weekend or day off, I get comments about how I slept the day away and how I have pretty much ruined her day because she was sitting and waiting for me to get up. I don't know why she feels she has to sit and wait for me to get up! Am I not allowed to do something for myself without some snarky, passive aggressive guilt trip? I am so frustrated and have been having major anxiety on a pretty much daily basis lately. I feel high strung and like I could snap. I really do love her and I love being with her...I just don't know what to do. It has become clear to me that nothing I do can make this situation any better. I am a believer of happiness coming from within, and neither of us are working on that within ourselves right now. Advice?

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[26620]
Sep 12

You sound like you are being very honest and as objective as anyone can be in your situation. I feel for you, her and the kids. Ok, first off if she has legit mental health issues then those need to be taken care of such as is she taking proper medication for her issues? Has she had counseling in the past or now? If she's taking medication. It doesn't sound like its,helping to keep her more level and calmer. I would take a more serious look at the medicine if she's taking any and if she isn't taking any she needs to in my opinion. Then once the medicine is right then it's her responsibility to do things to help herself be able to do what she can to improve her mental state, such as...exercise, the right amount of sleep, eat proper meals on time, educate herself more on her mental health/disorder. I'm sure there are plenty of things she could,be doing that she isn't doing. But I think if her medicine was right and she works with a therapist to learn how to take care of herself so that she too will have a much happier life and in turn that will make everyone else's life happier. She's probably spiraled out of control and worked her way into bad habits such as waiting on you to get up? Now that's just crazy like she's just trying to look for things to cause drama over so it needs to stop asap. Do not play into any of her dysfunctional games try to remain calm as you can and apologise when need be but then try to steer the convo in a more neutral direction. I don't know but something has to change quick.

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[50]
Sep 12

Thanks beautygirl. I am actually a wife, not a husband (we are a lesbian couple, I didn't specify before, so my bad). She has been and continues to be on medication and sees a therapist as often as one will see her. With our insurance, she is only seen once every month and honestly needs to be seen more. Since I started dating her, she has been on several different medications that have not been helpful. It is becoming clear that her issue is most likely treatment resistant, as the doctor has indicated that the medication that she is on now is one of their last options. She has CPTSD stemming from a very rough childhood, depression, and anxiety. I am the only one that knows about all of her issues, as she is a very private person. This also leaves me feeling alone and unsupported, as I cannot confide in anyone really, hence the anonymous support board here...I am considering going to therapy myself, as well. I really think I need it! I have always been practical and level headed, and now I just feel like a huge anxious mess. Several years ago, I lost 170 lbs and felt amazing, but I have allowed myself to regain 50 of that, as well. Stress sucks!

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