I Hate Love... I have been in love before and he broke my he

Victoria813's picture

I Hate Love... I have been in love before and he broke my heart so bad I became depressed for 6 months, and I put a wall and promised myself never to feel that way for a long time, but life happened and someone came into my life and broke down those walls and I found myself falling for him, but his personality is like a light switch, and 2 days ago he flipped the switch, he hasn't called or texted and 3 days ago he used to call and text like crazy, we aren't a couple, we both declared our feelings for each other, but decided to be friends, for now. I am deciding whether or not to try and deal with it all, or build my wall back up and make it stronger. I really am in love with him, but is it really worth all the pain, the waiting for him to text and call, the butterflies, the potential heartbreak that is sure to follow, the constant worrying if he is okay, or if he is with another girl, when will we become more than friends, if he is playing me like the last guy, the nerves all the time, thinking of him day and night, checking my phone all the time. Its stressful and I'm still in school and I have to focus on that, but how can it? I think love is hard and stupid and not worth it, I cant be heartbroken again, I am a sensitive person, like I said the last time I fell in love with someone I spent 6 months in my closet, crying, depressed, not wanting to feel anything anymore, asking myself why, and hurting so bad, I began to have low self esteem, my binge eating became so bad, I felt like I was dying all the time, I CANT do that again, I cant. I'm so afraid to be in love, I'm scared. I don't know what i should do, i want to cut him out of my life, but i am in love with him and i cant live without him, so i am stuck. i just want to feel safe again. when i had that wall up i was safe i pushed down my insecurities and my pain, and also my love,i couldn't even access my own emotions, so i couldn't be hurt by anyone, but now its gone and i feel like I'm in danger, my wall is all i have known for the longest time.

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Eleni007's picture
Mar 12

You are still in school. You ll love many times more in the future. Stay calm and try to dominate your feelings.

Mar 13

Brokenhearted people usually blame love for their pains. I've been through that as well but as I grew up I realized that it's the "lover" not the "love" that hurt me so much. Love isn't bad. But sometimes we can get hurt when we fall in love with someone who hurt us. Why do we love people who hurt us? As said in Perks of Being a Wall Flower: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” The key is to build and love yourself first. You're still young. Don't rush love. Take things slowly and only commit when you are ready and sure of your feelings. being in a relationship means you are giving a part of yourself to another person. It's hard to do that when you are still broken inside.

LadyO's picture
Mar 13

Dear precious girl, I feel the depth of emotion in your words. I wish I knew why relationships have to be so complicated sometimes. And then to discover we have no way of controlling our hurt and devastated feelings.

Love to a girl is sometimes equated with a guy validating her worth, and the feelings of acceptance he brings into her life. To have a guy invest his interest and time in a girl means so much, almost to the point where nothing else is quite as important to her. It feels good when someone is paying attention to us. It fills a void that only a guy can fill - or so we believe. But what happens when rejection disconnects a girl from the very feeling she felt she needed to define her self identity and self worth? Does a guy really have that much power to rob her of that?

In my own past experience, and from other women I have known, I came to realize thatother people do not own the power to define who we are. We have a choice to be someone without them, a fulfilled person that does not depend on their approval or acceptance. And to get to that place, a woman must first believe in who she is, believe why she was created and for what purpose, and begin to see herself as God does. People come and go in our lives. Feelings come and go. Disappointments come and go. So what remains the same? Unchanged? It is our belief that we were created for a higher purpose than to be fulfilled by our own feelings.

I am not trying to give you an easy answer. Trust me, it took years and years for me to reach this conclusion. It took years and years for me to find a way to be at peace withing my soul, with or without someone on the journey with me. I will never minimize the wall of protection you have put up. But I hope you can learn from your past to equip you for your future. God has plans for your life, as I discovered He had for mine, and I had to focus on that before I focused on anything else. Please take care of yourself first, without depending on someone to make to feel complete. You can be complete by knowing God's will for your life and living it.

I know this is a difficult topic to discuss, and since I don't know you personally, I can only encourage you to find a place in your heart where you are ok with being you, and build on that. Now that you know all this about yourself, do whatever you have to to maintain peace in your heart. Love begins as a feeling, but never stays that way for very long. It becomes and action, and that is usually what demonstrates a person's definition of what love really is. Pray and ask God to show you what you must do. He is on your side and care about every detail of your life, big and small.

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