I broke up with my ex 3 months ago and since then I have mou

(10)

I broke up with my ex 3 months ago and since then I have mourned the relationship but I haven't been angry and upset about the way that he treated me. He was mean to me when I wasn't as smart as he was expecting or when I would ask dumb questions. He would call me mean names and let his friends call me mean names and this went on for 5+ years. I am so angry but I feel like I have no right to be because I stayed and dealt with it longer than I should have. I feel lonely now, even though he was so mean. I miss companionship and I miss having someone to hug me and tell me nice things and to cuddle with. I am broken and still recovering. I feel like it is stupid of me to want a relationship again, like I am dumb for still having faith that I can find someone that will treat me right. I have a hard time trusting my new friends because I am waiting for the other shoe to drop for when they'll start being mean to me. I still remember so many things that he told me. Like I was prettier before I gained weight, or I am not confident like I used to be. Even though I still have faith that theoretically I could find someone that would treat me nicely, I don't actually believe that I can because all the things he said to me destroyed my confidence. I broke down tonight and was on a call with the suicide hotline for over an hour because I feel like I'm not even worth it anymore. I feel like I am not going to be worth it to anyone ever again...

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Jordan5683's picture
(19640)
Oct 13

Don't let his negative behavior and words keep you down. Many people have trouble/difficult leaving abusive relationships for all sorts of reasons. Be proud that you did break up with him and that you're working to move forward. You came to this site which is a step.

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Inmylittleroom's picture

You left an abusive relationship but you are still letting his words hurt you.
Give yourself encouragement. Be your own friend. Start pursuing your happiness. Set goals for yourself.
Hope you find your way very soon.

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I know what it feels like to be angry at yourself after someone has mistreated you for a long time. But now you know you don't want that to happen again so take your time stay single for a good while and learn more about yourself. Learn what you want and don't want don't settle for anything less. Take your time when you do meet someone and only date for a long time just get to know each other. You said he destroyed your confidence, well you can build it back up in time do positive things for yourself because you are worthy! Make some new friends wherever you can. Say nice things to yourself...anything start out small like... "I ate healthy today, I look nice in my blue shirt, I called a friend today, I got my cleaning done, I feel better after that walk". Just keep picking yourself back up even if you have to do it several times a day. No one should have ever treated you that way it was so wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. The important thing is that they can't treat you bad any more so now it's time for you to start your journey of healing from that. Hugs

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