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I am trying to figure out how to get rid of resentment towar

[520]

I am trying to figure out how to get rid of resentment towards my spouse. My resentment is layered between lack of closeness and lack of intimacy combined with me feeling as though my needs aren't, not only not being met, but not important to her. I am bothered with how I get so hurt by my expectations and us not being as close as we used to be. The fact of the matter is I don't like feeling this way and do not, under any circumstance, want to be resentful of my wife. I love her and want her to be happy. But at the same time I want to feel as though I matter and want to be happy. I want to "put the bag down" so to speak and let everything go. I don't know how or when this will happen. I'm tired of feeling this knot in my stomach. I'm tired of being suspicious of her because I feel she's not meeting my needs. I'm tired of telling myself that I'm not meeting her needs so someone else must be. She is a beautiful, smart and funny woman that I absolutely adore...I can't stand that my mind leads me to believe she isn't happy nor that she cares if I am...I miss her...all of her and everything about her. I want to let it all go...any advice or guidance is greatly appreciated.

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[75]
Nov 29

Lonely, I can completely understand your position. I am in a similar one. My husband and I are growing further apart as each day passes. A few days after our honeymoon which wasn’t very long ago, he found out he has stage 2 NHL and then shortly after that he is infertile. This has caused so many rifts in our marriage it is unbelievable. We both wanted children in the worst way. He has finished radiation abut still on disability. Understandably, he is no longer the man I met over a year ago and our future is in question. I find myself feeling alone all the time and somewhat abandoned. I know it isn’t much of a consultation for you but at the very least please know you aren’t alone.

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Jimdub's picture
[1010]
Dec 6

I agree with Anaoliver you need to talk to your wife, communication is key in a relationship. If neither one of you knows what the other one is thinking, then there is no way to find whats wrong. As guys we equate a lot of stuff with cars. So imagine this you have a car you really like, one day the engine seizes. When you check the oil there is none showing. You confront your wife about when was the last time she checked the oil, She says never your the man it's your job ( She grew up in a family where her Grandfather always checked out the cars). But you argue she the driver of the car and she should be responsible for checking it. The fact is you had communicated about the oil earlier you wouldn't have a seized engine. ( yes this actually happened to me ) Also Marriage counseling can help find the underlying problems, they can also help open the lines of communication. Here is a number for a great organization that offers free counseling advise and can refer you to professionals in your area 1-855-382-5433 also here is a link to a great article about communication http://bit.ly/2G0cru3. Prayers my friend.

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Jimdub's picture
[1010]
Dec 7

@AnaOliver my pleasure

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