I’m in a long distance relationship. I spent three months

I’m in a long distance relationship. I spent three months with her this summer and been back home for two months. She just told me a few days ago that gradually since I’ve been home she’s felt like we have disconnected and it’s more of a friendship for her than romantic. She said she doesn’t want the relationship anymore. I asked her to give it some time to see if we could reconnect and her feelings might change. She is coming out of her own depression and for the first time in 10 years she said she can see things with a clear head and she doesn't know if the commitments and obligations of a relationship is what she needs right now. I do understand this, and that she needs to concentrate on herself so she can fully come out of her depression and a relationship might be too much right now in the sense she can only think for her self at the moment instead of committing to someone else too.
It still hurts me deeply to hear that she feels that way. She said she would like for things to work and is willing to give it time cause she cares about me and thinks it’s better to do that then just let things go. It still doesn’t hurt any less cause she wanted to end things and I know there is nothing I can do to change how she feels and that she needs to figure it out on her own. I’m just crushed. I haven't eaten in 6 days and all I want to do is sleep and lay in bed. I can't bring myself to do anything. Even trying to eat just makes me sick.
Even though we are still together, it still feels like a break up to me because of how she is feeling. I love her so much and would love for things to work but I know there is literally nothing I can do in this situation so I feel helpless. I just don't know what to do. My depression was getting better but now it took so many steps back because of this.

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andine's picture
(75900)
Sep 13

Therapy would be great for you if it is available to you. Al-Anon type groups will help you address codependency issues. This group will also help with that as well. It might help you to look towards a healthy future for you which might mean finding a different living situation. Very sorry for your suffering.

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lethaldraynn's picture
(45)
Sep 13

@andine I've been in therapy and just had to stop it today because I can no longer afford it unfortunately. I have been working on my codependency and have come a long way. I've been going to CODA meetings and depression support groups. I want to support my girlfriend as she comes out of her depression. I do believe our relationship can work. I just don't know how to make her feel not so much pressure or give her some relief. I'm just really sad about the whole thing.

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andine's picture
(75900)
Sep 13

The saddest part is she has to take care of herself and you have to take care of yourself. You need to be well and healthy before you can take care of anyone else. She needs to find her own way and get her own help. It is the most difficult lesson that all of us have to learn. We Must put our health and our recovery above all others. And not because we are selfish but because we cannot help others if we are not first caring for ourselves. Living with her may not be the best option for either of you at this point.

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