This week's Brilliant New Topic: It is Thanksgiving next week y'all, where has the year gone???
November 19th, 2020


Hi I got involved with a guy 3mos ago. I thought everything

Hi I got involved with a guy 3mos ago. I thought everything was going good with us. Something happened a couple of weeks ago. He spent the night with me but decided to leave a few hours early to take care of some things. I asked him not to go he got mad and said I was trying to control him. He never came back that day. I tried calling him for 2 days but he didn't respond back. So I gave him some space. He finally called me 5 days later. He apologized for leaving and I thought everything was ok. But when he came over this past Wednesday to stay with me he wouldn't look at me. He did tell me he was happy to see me. I told him I was happy too. But he started going back and forth when he talked. Being negative about us. We spent Thursday night together too. But I can tell her is going away emotionally. I don't want to lose him. When he was on his way home Friday morning after he left me I called him and told him that I needed more clarity about us. He said that there was some things that he doesn't like. But would not talk anymore about it. I am thinking about going to his work tomorrow waiting for him because he does not work for the next 2 days. Not sure if that is a good idea. But I am feeling desperate. He did say that we are going to see each other this week. I am in love with him. But I can't work it out if he does not open up more. Need advice please thank you

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Nov 27

Update Tonight him and I went to dinner. He told me I have to ask his permission to do things. I couldn't believe it. That is a relationship right? If I have to ask him first. O am not taking anymore disrespect from him about us. Feeling anxious having a ton of anxiety right now.

Nov 27

@parisiangirl He doesn’t sound like he is emotionally healthy or ready to have a relationship right now

If anyone....anyone told me I had to ask their permission to do things!!!! After I calmed down and didn’t kill him (being facetious!) I would run as far away and as fast as I could AWAY from him. His prior behavior sounds like he was testing the waters on how far he could go with messing with your mind and how much u want him. Once he thinks he sees u are hooked—then he moves in with control

No one tells u that you that you have to ask his permission about anything!!!!

That’s the beginning of control and an abusive relationship


You are thinking mostly about how you feel about him... understandable.

If situation was reversed. Would you treat him the way he has treated you? (No)

So it is not ok for him to treat you that way

Especially when they are just
too many other guys out there... he’s not the only guy for you .. trust me

Also. When u end it gently. Tell him you need some space etc. you don’t have to tell him he is control freak or abusive...just you need space. He has to respect your need for space and stay away from him They don’t like control taken away or being dumped.... oh well! Document if he harasses you after this... have a friend or family member stay with you

Take care

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Nov 28

I agree with NCMom. Your bf is now revealing more of who he is. You are dealing with someone who wants to dominate and control you. He will rob you of your self-esteem. It will only get worst from here. It's time to move on now before it does get worst.


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