Hi I am feeling lost and lonely and I don't know where to st

Hi I am feeling lost and lonely and I don't know where to start .My husband and i started having problems 3 yrs ago when he left me for a way younger women (which only lasted 2 months) That seperation lasted about 6 months and then he tried killing himself and we got back together after a few months. Since we have been back together I found out he was spending all his money on a site called onlyfans.com where he would pay women for sexual videos of things he wanted them to do. He did have a break down and landed up in a mental health facility alittle over a yr ago and when he came home things were good for a few months and then it started again. All of this has caused alot of insecurities for me and I tried to trust him but everytime I did I found more social media stuff like Instagram chats where he was making plans to meet up with a women this coming June. Things got bad but he told me he wasn't going to do things like that anymore but I just couldn't find it in me to trust him. Now that I left ( I lost everything my house my dogs and my self) he won't answer my texts calls or anything. He was the one who told me to get out but first he asked if I wanted the house and I told him no because he has it 5 months behind in the mortgage and I took over the house last time and got it back in good standings but i cant afford to do it again. I do love him and I am afraid that it's all his mental health issues causing the problems. I just don't know if I should give up or wait for this to pass. But I do know that my mental health isn't the best right now due to all of this

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(36585)
Jan 22

@BrightDog23 I know when a person gets the right diagnosis then they can get the right treatment.

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(3025)
Jan 31

Have you thought about talking with a counselor? When the right person is in your life, they are for you and advocate for you, not set out to just do things for themselves.

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Littlesis7's picture
(28555)
Feb 1

That is so much to go thru sorry. He does truly sound like he's unable to get out from the addiction if even after all you did to save the house, get it back in good standing, etc...didn't really register w/him as a massive support attempt on your part...not to mention what this did to your feelings for him bc you've invested everthing?!
I get that he is not a well person and that he went through addressing his trauma through a mental health facility but at some point --what about YOUR mental health rt?
On that note, did you both go to marital counseling right away? I don't mean to offend or judge you at all but how was your marriage relationship for all the time before?
I'm only asking bc many of us females seem to gravitate to 'bad boy' - guys when we could have been w a compassionate healthy partner (we repel them bc they're too boring).
In our own fragmented mental health, we choose partners (unknowingly) who we can 'Fix', work-on, SAVE so we are the official "Savior" and that's our 'role' in life.
We are unaware we are choosing so poorly but as we 'save' them, it completely keeps us from 'Working on OUR OWN Recovery' -some ppl just keep flipping out partners like players in a Performance over and over....
The fact that he tried to take his own life, but tangled all together continued sex addiction and abused your love/ trust and relationship 'after all that' points to deep, deep issues on his part but how do they bounce off of your 'interaction'?
One would think those issues were 'fully addressed in some kind of 12-Step, CBT, etc therapy and sorry -did you say he was given a Diagnosis? I guess since he was put on meds, something was decided?
Unfortunately life often comes down to money and that means he jeopardized both your solid 'living situation' plus your dogs, etc...
You are now in a incredibly difficult position (he put you there)...you can either stay married and hope that by both 'working on' your each own recovery will heal w acceptance and forgiveness, etc..eventually regrouping or make the decision you were never meant to be together in the first place?
How much do you value him (the part of him that's NOT addiction-identity)?
What does he say when you ask him 'do you value /love me?!'
This got too long sorry, hope my words are not offending....

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